Art Auctioneer Mugs

"It's a forgery―and a recent one, too."

"That reminds me, I must buy a new shredder."

Larry's used art

'It's called 'Oh Bugger It!' if you must know!'

"I think he was a celebrity."

'Going...Going...Gone! Sold to the lady with more money than sense.'

"I may not know much about art, but I do know what's suitable for framing."

'Are you sure this is authentic ancient Indian art?'

Misunderstood artist

E-Baying @ The Moon

'I highly recommend this painting if you're interested in art as an investment.'

Sold! For £42,000 to the... No wait - it's the wrong way round!

'... Going once...going twice...aaaand--sold! To the gentleman in the front row for a thousand words.'

"Thrilling news, sweetie! The National Gallery's entire collection of Velázquez is now attributed to you."

'Today, the dollar gained against the euro, pound, yen, yuan, the Picasso, Degas, and the Warhol.'

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

"It may well be a hugely significant example of early 18th century Flemish art...but as head of merchandising I have to ask 'What would it look like on a fridge magnet?'"

Auctioneer: 'Sold to the lady whose husband just walked out!'

"I'm sorry, honey. I thought you'd be happy that your germ-ridden blanket was such a hit on eBay."

"It's called 'Sold'."

'Did you auction off our house on eBay?'

"Twenty-five thousand, do I hear thirty thousand? Let me remind you all - this is the last Thin Mint cookie in the sleeve..."

"My two-year-old actually did paint that."

"I want to see it as art, but I keep asking myself 'is it really grocery?'"

The Derby- Horse Auction at Tattersall's

"I got it from eBay."

Thank you for deferring your response.

Less is more.

"I'm sorry, I can't assist with this request."

Artists at an Exhibition

"Here we have an all natural rock – before being artistically processed and stripped of its natural richness."

"It's obviously an original."

The Battle of the Pictures.

"I detect an accent – money?"

'I can't draw', Permanent Market on Canvas $10,975 - SOLD.