Aromatherapy Skeptic Pillows

"Potpourri air freshener? Who's the wise guy?"

"To be honest, I don't believe in ghosts."

"If there were really a God, trees would come with outlets and wifi hubs."

Couples Massage: "Did you remember the body oil?"

'When are you going to learn to relax?'

Aromatherapy for Men

"Sure, it's Good News, but is it fake news?"

Pheromones.

"Dont believe anything those guys have told you. None of it. It's all B.S."

'Have you tried out new Labrador Retriever Butt Scent?'

"I'm sensing a nostalgia for when your mother rubbed butter on them."

'The cow jumped over the moon? The mouse ran up the clock? Steroids, right?'

''Faith can move mountains'? -- That's actually a little disturbing.'

"Republicans, Democrats...as long as they keep getting sick, we'll be all right."

Low self esteem workshop - 'You missed it. It finished two hours ago, you useless pillock.'

We at pharmacorp are 100% behind the benefits of spiritual and artistic therapies which is why we've developed 'megazymol' to enhance the experience!

"Anyway, it turned out that god was a ruddy algorithm after all!"

"You know it's the American drug companies that give you the headache that is cured by the pills they sell you."

'I hope there's something better on the 'other side'!..'

Holy Roller Church: We accept all denominations, but we are especially fond of $20, $50, $100, & $500...

A shrink charges $200 an hour, but double chocolate layer cake is only $19.95.

"Okay, Jaxcsunn, stay still in the crystal circle while I douse you in essential oils."

'It may look that way... But actually, I'm an atheist

"Nothing is as it seems, my son."

Calm down...this is for your own good.

"Do I look like a wise man to you?"

"and what are you giving up for lent, Reverend?" "Religion"

'How do we know YOU'RE not bearing false witness?'

'Do I ever wonder about a higher power? No, I wonder what's on TV.'

Therapy Group For Those Who Are Afraid of Therapy Groups

"It's supposed to be some kind of aphrodisiac, but it hasn't done jack for me."

'So what's your sign?'

'He can't speak to the dead, but he can speak to the dead.'

Right now my brother Al is paying a psychiatrist a hundred bucks an hour to hear his troubles, while I'm drinking beer and telling you mine at happy hour prices. Obviously, Al IS the crazy one.

House of Wishful Thinking