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'Razed any good cities lately?'

"I'm sure you'll grow into it, darling."

"Maybe we should cut back on those lawn catalogues."

'A portcullis is SO yesterday!'

Ale. Mead. It's been a hard knight's day!

'He'll stop being so smug when he gets his first dent.'

Soldiers' Ego

Knights' Status Report: Rusted out, Metal fatigue, Popped rivets, Bad welds, Squeaky hinges, Dents and dings.

Knight walking his pet armadillo.

'That's Renfrew -- he's in charge of high-risk portfolios.'

'After A Knights Hard Day'

Yeah, that's mine - My mom puts my name inside my helmet in case it comes off.

Knight school.

Garden sprinkler in the form of a classical statue

Watering can helmet.

'They say he wears half-inch armor.'

'HA, HA! See the way arrows are deflected off my brand new breastplate?'

I told you rust would set in if you went out in this weather.

Battle.

Poetry Knight

Panzer Hut.

"Let's not go to bed angry."

Ernie loves to decorate his Christmas tree. He starts by untangling and testing a string of lights. Every year he makes new popcorn and cranberry garlands. He has to find the right spot for each family heirloom ornament. Now, should I finish it off with Johnny Depp or Beyonce? Ernie has his own idea about putting a star on top!

A knight struggling to fit into his armour

Weak Knights

Gladstone and Argyll 'Crusade' against Armenian Attrocities

" ...and this is the armor of my ancestor, 'Cederick the Unintimidating.'"

Cost of the military.

"You call this opening up?"

Gladstone's Retirement

'You don't trust me, do you?'

'You know this is my first battle.' - 'Really? Mine too.'

"It's a great old building, but I wish we had a more up-to-date security system."

"Looks like you need to cut back on your iron."

A medieval knight eats his lunch with armored lunch gear.