Armchair Quarterback Pillows

"No, just hear him out. Maybe we are being too defensive."

Coaching the quarterback

"You know, I never really thought to ask - I just assumed he knows they can't hear him."

'That was one of the most beautiful blocks I've ever seen; but you were supposed to carry the ball on that play.'

"If God wanted me to go to church he wouldn't have put football on Sundays."

'Play any other position besides Monday morning quarterback?'

'My stopwatch says Bubba just ran a 4.3 40. I think that's a runtime error.'

Reality Football

"He's told them many a time, not to let defenders shoot, but do they take any notice. . ?"

"If he'd done that to me, I'd have got up and given him a good thump!"

Cancelled Bowl Games

"Let's do exactly what these pundits in the halftime report said we should do. If we lose, we'll blame them!"

"May the best team win and could we please get through this game without some kind of controversy?"

"I'm writing my to-do list - I want my dad to do my homework, I want my sister to do my chores, and I want my friends to do everything else I don't want to do."

"You mean I was cheering for a concussion?"

"Sometimes I think all this post game analysis has gone too far."

"Say hi to your mother for me and tell her I'm happy her bypass turned out O.K

Football Kill

'The only thing I can figure is that a game took place without a single fan criticizing the officials.'

In a cost cutting move, NFL teams begin outsourcing jobs once held by domestic offensive coordinators.

'Yeah yeah... we know they play in pain. I Live in pain.'

'Titus can be double - or triple-teamed and yet, somehow, he always comes down with the ball!'

"Whaddaya say we head home and curl up in front of a nice warm football game?"

'On the bright side, he finally has time to watch a little Football.'

"I'm just saying, if you had to turn off the TV, would you still remember how?"

"Right-ho, Jeeves!"

"I love the change of seasons too, baseball, football, basketball and hockey season."

What she said/What he heard...

Electoral College Football

'If it's alright with your agent, Kolwalski, I'd like to hand the ball off to you.'

'That's you, Ed - always running out of bounds to stop the clock!'

Football League: Concussions R US.