Armchair Diagnosis Expert T-Shirts

"So, when you looked up your symptoms, did it say to complain about it incessantly but never seek treatment?"

Sherlock Holmes selling Sherlock Holmes.

"The way he stacks those blocks, I see repression, some hostility, and a lot of dissatisfaction with his place in society."

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

"One side is for depression, the other is for anxiety, and if you're still confused make an appointment with the cat."

"...And the court awards you twenty five thousand for the loss of faculty in your right arm."

"Go ask your mother ... and I'll tell you why she's wrong."

"Damn, I forgot to pack a jumper."

'We're sure they're in there... but we're not certain if they have weapons of mass destruction.'

Magazine stand in middle of the desert.

Man tapping a tuning fork on another man's knee

"No, we’re not lost, Claire. And yes, I have seen ‘Deliverance’!"

"Let me through... I’m an armchair detective!"

"And how do you feel when your patient does online research and thinks he's an expert?"

'You deserve one another, but I don't deserve you!'

Mystery section...

"There are several words I could use to describe your condition, but I'm leaning towards whiney."

"Don't worry, it's nothing."

How long have you been delusional?

'I don't know how you stand listening to people's problems all of the time, Doctor Barnes.'

Now that we're too old to migrate, we still travel, but locally. What an amazing region we live in!

A therapist hides behind sandbags as a general talks of war.

'Don't be absurd, Holmes. There is no way Moriarty could get at our Swiss account!'

"I guess 80 is the new 100."

Elderly Tarzan...

"Can't I go anywhere without someone asking for free medical advice?"

Buried Rubbish

Welcome to the North Pole

Zoo Psychological Center. We had a good group session today. The cougar talked about her trouble having a romantic relationship with someone her own age. The wolf opened up about wearing sheep's clothing. And we all assured the newt that an identity crisis is common among amphibians. The gorilla is having a tough day so he's staying for an individual session. There's nothing wrong with you ... a lot of people tend to ignore 800-pound gorillas.

Tunnel of Anxiety

"What is friendship if not constant amateurish psychoanalysis?"

"Your internet researched analysis of your condition and treatment is impressive,and it would be 100% on target...if you were a goat!"

"Just tell us what we want to know, and you can sit in the comfortable chair."

"You've omitted your previous patient experience and recommendations from two other doctors."

'While we're on the subject of your dual personality...it would be nice if one of you would pay me once in a while.'