Arithmetical Alchemist Gifts

School of Wizardry and Creative Accounting.

'I'll give you a clue. The answer is a number, not a fruit.'

"And now, a little theorem for all you lovers out there."

"But until I do transmute lead into gold, maybe I could interest you in some lovely lead jewelry."

"Arithmetic gets a lot harder when you run out of fingers and toes."

Lots of famous art may have been inspired by taxes. Jackson Pollack's "Number 5" could be a visual representation of global regulations. And perhaps Rodin's "The Thinker" is a man trying to understand those rules. Maybe Roy Lichtenstein's "Ohhh ... Alright ..." shows a woman being told to continue holding to get her tax question answered. And they there's Edvard Munch's "The Scream" ... Nothing makes you feel like that more than preparing a tax return!

'My name is Jeremy and I approved this message.'

'Here you are, Simmons!'

Geeky looking guy looks at incomprehensible mathematical problem: 'And this equation proves beyond doubt that I have wasted my life.'

'It won't do you any good! You can't run from your math problems!'

'There are two types of alchemy - there's organic and there's inorganic.'

"I passed the three R's. Now I need some R and R!"

'You have received a grant from the king - his secret incantation to chant over your experiments.'

"I don't know, it's just the whole Dark Ages thing. It's got me down."

'It's an experiment to stop time.'

'But if you need someone for the intangibles...'

"Mr Newton, we have carefully reviewed your work in alchemy and have come to one conclusion: stick to physics.'

'I have a math test tomorrow, Sir, and I could use a godsend multiplicationwise.'

'But why do you want to transmute asparagus into cotton?'

"The physicists doubt it, the chemists want to change it, the psychologists are trying to interpret it and the biologists don't care."

'I'm trying to turn gold into gasoline.'

"Frank, I need your help. The computers are down, but I was told you know how to multiply two numbers together."

'I think that's enough brain defragging for today.'

"You'd be amazed how just a little soybean meal adds to the protein content of powdered bats wing and next tails."

'Why Isaac Newton kept returning to alchemy...' 'There's just no money in gravity.'

Alcohol Ingredients

'Have no fear - I'll have the project completed for you in no time.'

'I march to a different arithmetic.'

"I was going to transmute it into gold, and then I read that the base metal market has made a remarkable recovery!"

"Garbage in, great books out."

"Of course you can't replicate my experiments. That's the beauty of them."

'It's not an accounting breakthrough, Sam. It's wrong.'

"Ulrich, that's bad science and you know it!"

"Since I've been using this organic stuff my potions are far more effective."

"After all these years, I'm sure of only one thing: when I heat the liquid, it boils."