Arachnophobe Chuckler Pillows

"Stop it! That's creepy..."

A spider is afraid of another spider's mask.

'We never had all these labour-saving devices in my young day!'

"Behold! I am God! I know all. Yet I'm constantly testing you even though I already know what you'll do. But I'll still punish you for the sins I planned for you to do. And you'll suffer in a fiery pit, tormented beyond imagining forever and ever and ever

"I think I'm in the wrong kind of spin class!"

"Well, you said you wanted something to remove spiders from the bath!"

'Bernice . . . could you come in here please? Bring a can of hairspray and a cigarette lighter!'

"I won't bring any more friends home unless you let me play with them first!"

"Gesundheit!"

"My Dad has just come out of hospital."

"Really Miss Jones...all this fuss over a silly little spider!"

"Great location. Let's check it out."

'If you can read this, call the missing kids' hotline.'

'My mother is a black widow, my wife is a black widow...'

'He won't go back into his house until I check to make sure the spider is gone.'

Horror

'Gesundheit.'

"Don't kill it. The eat bugs."

"Constipated, what a *#*##**# joke!!"

Spider Horror Movies

"I see spiders on Mars! Do you know what that means? "we need to send an exterminator?"

'You've been drinking again.'

Misplaced smugness: When you think you're the only one at the party who's thought to use the back of the hand towel.

Lady reads book about beating phobias.

"AA-ARGH!"

After being frightened away too many times, Miss Muffett decided to rif herself of the spider.

'Fortunately, the virus is dormant. Just be careful you don't wake it up.'

Viruses on poo shouting at a passing fly'TAXI!'

'I hate you, Al.'

Arachnophobia training.

'Dang, I'm sick of telling stupid kids that I'm not radioactive and that even if I did bite them, they wouldn't become a superhero!'