Arachnophobe Chuckler Pillows

"Stop it! That's creepy..."

A spider is afraid of another spider's mask.

'We never had all these labour-saving devices in my young day!'

"Behold! I am God! I know all. Yet I'm constantly testing you even though I already know what you'll do. But I'll still punish you for the sins I planned for you to do. And you'll suffer in a fiery pit, tormented beyond imagining forever and ever and ever

"I think I'm in the wrong kind of spin class!"

"Well, you said you wanted something to remove spiders from the bath!"

'What's our stockbroker doing in the shower? Quick! Run and get me a rolled up copy of the Wall Street Journal!'

'Bernice . . . could you come in here please? Bring a can of hairspray and a cigarette lighter!'

"Gesundheit!"

"I won't bring any more friends home unless you let me play with them first!"

Little Miss Muffet's Graduation.

"My Dad has just come out of hospital."

"Really Miss Jones...all this fuss over a silly little spider!"

"Great location. Let's check it out."

'Don't hurt it.'

Horror

'Gesundheit.'

'He won't go back into his house until I check to make sure the spider is gone.'

'My mother is a black widow, my wife is a black widow...'

"Don't kill it. The eat bugs."

'If you can read this, call the missing kids' hotline.'

'You've been drinking again.'

Misplaced smugness: When you think you're the only one at the party who's thought to use the back of the hand towel.

"I see spiders on Mars! Do you know what that means? "we need to send an exterminator?"

"Constipated, what a *#*##**# joke!!"

Spider Horror Movies

Lady reads book about beating phobias.

'Dang, I'm sick of telling stupid kids that I'm not radioactive and that even if I did bite them, they wouldn't become a superhero!'

Arachnophobia training.

'Fortunately, the virus is dormant. Just be careful you don't wake it up.'

"God bless you. Now, put on your bloody mask!"

Viruses on poo shouting at a passing fly'TAXI!'

'I hate you, Al.'

Rudy, I want you to get to know my pet gerbil. I think I'm catching a cold. He's not good in new situations. I can hear you. This is weird. Don't freak out, Rudy. Trust me, it's all very normal. Want a hand bath? I want a Kleenex. Help.

After being frightened away too many times, Miss Muffett decided to rif herself of the spider.