Aquatic Chef T-Shirts

'I wish John would stop using that gourmet pet food that makes gravy when you add water.'

'Enjoy your meal! We grow everything ourselves!'

"It's not the social stigma. It's the mercury."

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

Better Not Squash.

Captain Hook's lesser known brother - Captain Spatula

'Let the record show that I suggested primordial souffl'ee.'

Tzatzikicicle

Seafood: "Of course our food is fresh."

'And it comes with oven mitts, butter, sour cream and chives.'

Sushi Train Set.

'Oil painting is fine, but I can't do watercolours, obviously...'

Scuba diver in a fishmongers

The simultaneous development of dining and pomposity.

"The tiny red things were harvested from Frankie's bonsai tree."

Spatula Conductor

Great Moments in Culinary History.

"Yes, Ma'am, our fish is flown in fresh every day!"

'I tried, Larry, but I guess that whole 'watched pot never boils' stuff was just a lie! Larry?'

Artist and chiken

'Now where did I put my knitting needles?'

'Help me get it into the tartar sauce.'

'Carrot cake!.. What's next?.. Broccoli cake?'

"Well, we went through the fruit and veg, and thought we should try something more exotic - like the space-time continuum."

Football Pudding

'This Marine Cooking School taught me a great recipe, Mom... you take one-hundred pounds of potatoes...'

"Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom or night will stop Ed from overcooking the fish."

'Great idea, Pete!'

"She'll only eat it if I cut it up in cloverleaf shapes, serve it on a blue plate, and do a little dance as I serve it."

Chef taking fishing hooks out.

'Do try our jailhouse rock cake.'

"Can't talk now, I'm dicing with death, we're doing stir-fry."

Sushi bar...under new management