Aptitude Analyst T-Shirts

Psychometric tests would weed out 25% of all applicants (medical schools).

Sign in book shop window: 'Critics agree the book is much better than the movie.'

'And finally. . . where do you see yourself on the food chain 5 years from now?'

"Why can't I get anything done unless I'm totally stressed out about it?" "Is it possible to be relaxed and still be productive?" "What is wrong with my brain?" "Why don't you work better?"

"I think I see a miscreant in the carpark. There's no time to call the police I must deal with it myself."

"Perhaps there is such a thing as being too well-informed."

Ed totally blows the final portion of his Chameleon Aptitude test.

Hypochondria Hospital

"I'm guessing you're a germaphobe?"

"I'm leaving a little early as I wasn't in quite so late this morning."

"Oh no, not another pandemic!"

'Look! Man has been here!' 'Yeah, it must have been a man because the seat was left up.'

'So far, the only dreams I've achieved have been nightmares.'

'You're docile enough alright, but I don't like how you grind your teeth while you sleep!'

"If I go to the party alone, will I be able to leave when I want? But then, there's always the possibility that I will get stuck talking to someone. I can't shake the problem is me. What if no one else likes me? I'm the only one being critical... The issue is I'm not enough and it's really so huge." "The over thinker"

"I could have gotten to the top . . . but I wasted all my time in the park."

"Do you have any hopeless little drongos?"

"Sad really. He's scared of heights."

"Well, this must be as big as I'm supposed to get."

'Now don't forget what I told you - no touching!'

"I'm competitive,cruel,glad when my friends fail...I've no idea why I'm here."

"So, Ms. Mayfly. Where do you see yourself in five years?"

"One day, son, all this anxiety will be yours."

"I'm doing better. The voices in my head can now access my email."

"Oh, I listen to my body at meal time, but the messages aren't clear because its mouth is full!"

"If you work hard, exploit your employees, take advantage of a pandemic, use loopholes to avoid taxes,hoard your wealth, and in an act of extreme self-indulgent meaningless vanity, you can someday be an astronaut."

"I'm sensing that un underlying cause of your anxiety is climate change."

"I wanted to talk to the boss about the alarming sick leave level but ten minutes ago he called in sick..."

Conserve water! NO compulsive hand washing

'Your attention span is not very long.'

Jane Goodall patiently gains the trust of her subjects in an unpublicized research project.

"...I need some closure. Can we go ahead and spin the Wheel Of Blame?"

"Where do you see yourself in five minutes?"

"Do you have to write down all the things you need to worry about?"

'You're a hypochondriac.' 'Yes, Doctor, but am I a healthy hypochondriac, or a sick hypochondriac?'