Aptitude Analyst T-Shirts

Psychometric tests would weed out 25% of all applicants (medical schools).

Sign in book shop window: 'Critics agree the book is much better than the movie.'

'And finally. . . where do you see yourself on the food chain 5 years from now?'

"Why can't I get anything done unless I'm totally stressed out about it?" "Is it possible to be relaxed and still be productive?" "What is wrong with my brain?" "Why don't you work better?"

"I think I see a miscreant in the carpark. There's no time to call the police I must deal with it myself."

"Perhaps there is such a thing as being too well-informed."

Ed totally blows the final portion of his Chameleon Aptitude test.

Hypochondria Hospital

"I'm guessing you're a germaphobe?"

"I'm leaving a little early as I wasn't in quite so late this morning."

"Oh no, not another pandemic!"

"If I go to the party alone, will I be able to leave when I want? But then, there's always the possibility that I will get stuck talking to someone. I can't shake the problem is me. What if no one else likes me? I'm the only one being critical... The issue is I'm not enough and it's really so huge." "The over thinker"

"I could have gotten to the top . . . but I wasted all my time in the park."

'You're docile enough alright, but I don't like how you grind your teeth while you sleep!'

'So far, the only dreams I've achieved have been nightmares.'

"Do you have any hopeless little drongos?"

"Well, this must be as big as I'm supposed to get."

"Sad really. He's scared of heights."

"I'm competitive,cruel,glad when my friends fail...I've no idea why I'm here."

'Now don't forget what I told you - no touching!'

"So, Ms. Mayfly. Where do you see yourself in five years?"

"One day, son, all this anxiety will be yours."

"I'm doing better. The voices in my head can now access my email."

"Oh, I listen to my body at meal time, but the messages aren't clear because its mouth is full!"

"I'm sensing that un underlying cause of your anxiety is climate change."

"If you work hard, exploit your employees, take advantage of a pandemic, use loopholes to avoid taxes,hoard your wealth, and in an act of extreme self-indulgent meaningless vanity, you can someday be an astronaut."

"I wanted to talk to the boss about the alarming sick leave level but ten minutes ago he called in sick..."

Conserve water! NO compulsive hand washing

'Your attention span is not very long.'

"...I need some closure. Can we go ahead and spin the Wheel Of Blame?"

"Do you have to write down all the things you need to worry about?"

"Where do you see yourself in five minutes?"

'You're a hypochondriac.' 'Yes, Doctor, but am I a healthy hypochondriac, or a sick hypochondriac?'

"Who do I hold accountable if you miss the deadline? Any next of kin?"