April Fools' Day Gifts

"The machine's done something really weird to Mr. Hendrickson."

'That would be a whole lot funnier if it weren't hooked up to your colostomy bag.'

"Admit it, we're lost."

After years of abuse, mittens exacts his revenge...

'National Bring Your Brother-In-Law to Work Day'

'Nobody turned up to the 'effective communications' seminar...they didn't get our memo.'

'Why me...why me have I suffered enough? Can't I just be left alone!'

'Well I think we found the source of your cash flow problems, Mr. Wallis!'

'You didn't think you could get away from us that easily, did you?'

"I don't appreciate you questioning my integrity. Especially since I've skipped town and can't be there to defend it."

'Now...where did I put that 'How to keep your desk tidy' memo?'

After fifteen minutes of inactivity, Ed's operating system automatically returns him to sleep mode.

'Slow Internet connection! They thought of everything!'

'Stare at it all you want sir, but I can assure you, no one is going to jump out and yell 'April Fools.'

'Fetch help quickly...The accident book's fallen on him!

"And once you've achieved your 25% improvement in client satisfaction surveys, we need you to solve the problem of global warming,third world poverty and cold toast."

'There's been an accident down at the plant.'

Newspaper headlines - Butters kills, Margarine kills.

Pins on waiting room seats - "Its helped us cut unnecesseary visits by over 23%"

'This is the most positive thing I've done all year.'

'Since you insist on defending yourself, I feel April first would be an appropriate trial date...'

"We need to do something about excessive admin. I want you to fill out one of these forms every time you think you're doing some."

Most people meditate to seek inner peace, not revenge.

'Have you ever tried pushing a piece of string?.'

Worker sees clock which says: In case of impossible deadline, break glass.

'I like to mix up my exercise routine. Sometimes I right click. Sometimes I double click...'

'Perkins does the work of two men, unfortunately both of them are incompetent.'

'I believe we got your blood pressure back up to normal.'

"He didn't catch me. I thought this exercise was to build trust."

Now, let's remove the blindfold and have a look around your new work space: Bad news, delivered badly.

"Need anything from the bank?"

Trays read: In/Out/How did this end up on my desk?

'Our CFO isn't available. He left the company to join the Witness Protection Program.'

'But what if you're a masochist...?'

'Will that penny I accidentally swallowed when I was a kid count against me as unreported income?'