April Fool's Day Gifts

"Hey! I was looking all over for you. You have the wrong piece of paper."

"Can't you just whistle while you work?"

Basic Tax Law/Loopholes.

"Are you sure this is the correct way to declassify documents?"

"You're lucky, Dave. You have talent."

"I don't know whether to be mad that you had water this whole time or impressed with your commitment to the joke."

'Well, I told you not to open that attachment!'

Tax Auditor door sign / Out to get you ? back in one hour.

Do you know what it means when all your financial statements are in red ink?' 'That it's time to change the printer cartridge?'

"People, the facts are inescapable. Any ideas on how we can ignore them?"

'Look, I said I'd bring you the report on micromanaging. Just give me a chance.'

"Nobody's perfect, but we're working on it."

'Half the diabetics were given the new drug and responded well. The other half got a placebo and went into shock.'

'Individually we could do nothing. So we formed a committee which determined nothing could be done.'

"Strategic plan B: We chop down all the office plants and grow vegetables."

'I shan't be in today - I'm in bed with a nasty bug.'

'I assume you have documentation to back up these 27 light-years of business travel.'

'I tried to warn him - garbage in, garbage out.'

'And as my chart clearly shows, I haven't got a clue what I'm talking about.'

Online form - Submit.

'Center for the Study of Murphy's Law' (Closed today because everything that could go wrong, did go wrong.)

'It's worse than we thought - there's going to be random testing for competence.'

'I'm being audited! Quick, everyone into the tax shelter!'

'When I die, please cremate me and send my ashes to the tax office. . .Write on the envelope, 'Now, you have everything.''

'Oh, it's an acronym for 'It Doesn't Stand For Anything'.'

spring must be on its way - the rain's getting warmer.

"Three wishes? Dream on. That was in the heady days before venture capital and advertising revenue disappeared."

"So it's agreed - we go ahead with the information-matching."

'I need to borrow your Ph.D. for a half hour tomorrow. I have a major problem to solve.'

A train station is where a train stops . . . this is a work station.

Made all my investment decisions with a coin flip.

'OK, listen up, everybody. Robinson has a plan for breaking out of here that I think may just work.'

'I think he's gone to lunch, but I can't be sure.'

"You can clone yourself as much as you like, Brainstorm, but you're only getting one salary."

"Sometimes it's easier if you break the work up into little chunks."