Appearance Enhancer T-Shirts

Vinnie's Tanning Salon.

"The gentleman opposite would like to buy you more time."

"If you could change just one thing about yourself, what would it be?" "I’d totally wish to have my brain put into a robot body." "That way I could live forever. Imagine living long enough to buy an iPhone 7000." "Wrong answer. An alpha male never lets on that he’s concerned about his mortality. Your answer should have been 'nothing.'" "The alpha male or female is not afraid of death, little buddy." "I think I’d rather wait for the 7000–S." "Stop it."

Ego Increasing School

"Oh no, Doris. . . not implants!"

"Do you have something cheap but with a really expensive label?"

How to Polish Up Your Resume. Remember, you don't want to polish it to the point you can actually see yourself in it.

'Sometimes I wonder how things would have turned out, if I'd gotten Mom's eyes and Dad's hair.'

"So all these years you never did yoga but just walked around carrying the mat?"

'Take ten years off the top.'

"Breast implants, filler and botox for your missus doesn't fulfill our home improvements criteria."

"Stock photo, right?"

HOLLYPLASTIC

'The effects of aging are inevitable. Either accept it, or inject it.'

Say hello to Myrna Dinsdale. Myrna finally had one face-lift too many.

'She's had so much plastic surgery that her body has rejected her credit cards!'

"Supersize me."

"They're not identical twins—they're surgical twins."

Rhonda was over the moon with the results of her first-ever face-lift.

'Well, what seems to be the problem?'

Medical Silicon Paste.

Institute (brain).

"Do you ever regret having breast implants when you were younger?"

This is my report on my summer vacation, and that's my script doctor, Murray, who helped me punch it up a bit.

Beauty Salon - Husband says to wife, 'Look, anything will be an improvement!'

'Thank goodness for salt and pepper.'

"Like my dazzling smile? My teeth are capped with LEDs."

"So you went ahead with the facelift?"

"When I actually was this age, I didn't have much facial expression anyway."

A man compares how he looks with different tobacco products before deciding a pipe.

"I've learned the secret to a happy holiday season! When relatives come to visit...make sure they think you love the gifts they gave you last year."

"What do you think? I've had an eye lift."

Botox injections

'My cosmetic surgery clinic does well but it's always nip and tuck.'

"Would you like to take your old face with you?"