Anxious Ailment Enthusiast T-Shirts

"In a nutshell Mr. Beesley, you have hypochondria."

"I've got an MBA. Massive Business Anxiety."

'I've been googling your condition and I'm afraid to say...I think I might have it myself.'

Neurotics in the tropics

"I had that dream again where you're writing down all my fears and anxieties and working them into a screenplay."

'Ten things you should be worried about.'

'Yes I'm afraid this room is bugged, but don't worry, it's just Clostridium Difficile'

"Dear Mom and Dad: Thanks for the happy childhood. You've destroyed any chance I had of becoming a writer."

"Well, I just experienced my first misophoia trigger."

'You have a harmless but highly irritating form of nervous disorder we call D.Y.I. - Diagnosing Yourself on the Internet.'

"I think your problem is heartbeat-from-mouth syndrome."

"My problem is I obsess over whether I worry enough."

"I'm having recurrent dreams where I forget to prepare the exam."

"A mouse! A mouse!"

"Did we turn off the stove?"

"Yeah, I used to have an emotional support animal, but then I upgraded to a conflict avoidance scooter."

"I sleep poorly anyway, so you might as well put me in high-risk investments."

Anxiety/More Anxiety

Introducing...Superegoman!

'He has a doctorate in worrying.'

"The feel of mud and weeds between my toes just really freaks me out."

"Right foot, left foot, inhale, exhale, right foot..."

My Progress Towards Achieving My Goals

"I worry what the next mass extinction might be..."

'Damned tourists.'

'Hey, it's all right - we're ALL afraid of vacuum cleaners.'

"Dora's anxiety has always manifested itself in the 'flight response.'"

Bubbie's parrot

'My mom doesn't really respect my privacy. She just can't stand to come in my room.'

"I knew it. I just KNEW it. How long have I had this condition, doctor? Is there a cure? Oh, God, it just had to be disease, didn't it..." Cathy finds out that she has hypochondria.

Cold Comfort Books

"Do you feel we are making progress in overcoming your fears?"

"Hmm...this is an extreme case...!"

"Well, the MRI confirms it: you have a shy bladder."

'It's only hypochondria, but it's a very virulent FORM of it.'