Antitrust Law Gifts

Clyde thought “Atomic Sparklers” was just an ad gimmick

US v.s. Tech Giants

"We structured the deal so it won't make any sense to you."

Excess Baggage: Fans of 'Deregulation' and the 'Free Market' probably have not had to buy a plane ticket recently.

"You moved two spaced and then one space to the side? Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, that sure sounds illegal."

"Okay, I'll renew your contract and raise you five sick days."

'Our union contract keeps us from cutting salaries, but nothing prevents us from charging for parking.'

"There she be, lads, the special economic zone!"

'We're cutting back on our legal expenses and going with the violence instead.'

"Damn it, name a figure, name a figure."

"Look at this - we're trying to merge with some of our acquisitions, and we're trying to acquire some of our mergers."

'They never let you forget that your intellectual property belongs to them.'

'Worldcon' - financial statement fraud exposed.

'I'd like to return this shredder.'

"We can't be assailed and we can't be blackmailed... can't be derailed and will not be curtailed... competition will fail... cause we're too big to nail... oh, yeah!"

"I advise a slow, steady stream of lawsuits to weaken your enemies resistance. We call it time release litigation."

"I want a refund on this computer. It's user hostile!"

Consumer Protection Agency/Manufacturer Protection Agency

"We're studying the legal principles of 'crossing a heart and hoping to die'."

Eldon E Furse and his attorneys

'Send this back to the legal department. I think they could make it much more complicated than this...'

'All these new regulations will totally alter the way we screw the consumer.'

"It's a really cool game! You're Bill Gates, and you have to fight off the evil agents of the Justice Department before they destroy your planet."

Corporate Lawyers

"Remember, son, when life gives you a lemon, call the attorneys."

'Have you not noticed that our legal department is crawling with lawyers!'

"I think the chances for a reduced sentence were reduced when you called the judge a pompous old windbag in open court."

'K7K industries (an alleged monopoly case under appeal)

"You're an attorney. Don't stand so upright."

"He's refusing to pay the inflationary bits"

"My fees are quite high, and yet you say you have little money. I think I'm seeing a conflict of interest here."

"No this is your contract. The other one's your bill

'Our new product has increased growth in our legal department.'

'Is there anyway that I could specialize in corporate law and still be one of the good guys.'

Destitute businessman: 'Played by the rules.'