Anti-doping Official Gifts

'I wonder if the anti-doping agency ever looking into the Popeye and Spinach thing.'

"I'm sorry, but you're going to have to hand over that cape. Your test came back positive for anabolic steroids."

"All these reports and rumours lack substance....unlike our athletes."

Chambers - Unfair Advantage.

Doping Armstrong

"Are we testing for the dope using the dope or the dope the dope is using?"

'What distance! Pity it wasn't the hammer!'

Egyptian Football

'Good news from the field, sire! Attila did not like the referee's call, so he's folding up his tents, taking his ball and going home!'

'You haven't heard the best thing. . .no referees.'

Pole Vault Rules

'The only thing exciting about these games is our dads fighting with the umpire.'

'It looks suspiciously like Killer Hart is taking a dive!'

The Unsportables: Javelin Throw

Jocko, a man for all sports' seasons.

'That was a flagrant misconduct of the left hand.'

"Compromise? What the hell is there between safe and out?"

'I finished last, but I was the only one who passed the drug test.'

'This is not what I meant by a free kick.'

'Now what?!'

'Are referees black with white stripes or white with black stripes?'

"Are you sure he tested negative?"

'When Einstein wrote about time and relativity he must have been watching a football game where the last 30 seconds took two hours.'

College of Referee Training: 'Congratulations, you failed your eye test abysmally!'

'Honest, sir. I'm sorry! I take it all back.'

'Are you blind ref?'

Under Capitalism, Expensive Equipment is Always, Unlike People, Innocent Until Proven Guilty

"After the big race, the tortoise and the hare are ordered to provide urine samples."

'I should never have married a bloody referee.'

'No wonder it was so hard to assemble. I thought it was supposed to be a basketball hoop, not a weapon of mass destruction.'

'That was a peach of a right hander the referee gave you!'

'Everyone keeps telling me I need my eyes checked, so here I am!'

"We're never going to finish this game if you keep calling 'jump ball' every two seconds."

Referees at the Original Olympics.

'Out. How come?' - 'Off side.'