Anonymous Advisor T-Shirts

"I write these in my manager's handwriting, so no one will hate me."

"Then we have an unspoken agreement?"

'How many times have I told to seize the day before it seizes you?'

"Based on the feedback from advisers whom I haven't beheaded, all of my ideas are great."

'Negotiations have reached an impasse, legal recommends we resort to violence.'

Public Relations: Reputations cleaned and repaired

"Give a man a fish and you feed him for the day. Teach a man to fish and you can charge a consulting fee."

'Answer these constituents letters. Tell them to go to hell in a nice way.'

SAGE mentality

First you're a law student, then you're a lawyer, then you're a judge, then you're a politician, then you're a criminal.

"Excuse me a moment, whilst I just change hats."

"Just go with the workflow."

'Yes, it's a stupid speech, Senator, but you've got to court the stupid VOTE.'

Rock and a Hard Place

"Remember, Man of good Sense not here to do work on your behalf. Man of good Sense only here to help you on strategic level until you wise enough to overcome recession."

"I want more than anonymous sex. I want anonymous intimacy."

"No, no, that’s in a bar, Mr. President — you can talk politics and religion here."

"Rudy has asked me to apologize, on his behalf, for your being offended..."

"I can definitely give you my two cents, Sir – just let me know how you want it: Bitcoin, Paypal, or Venmo."

"I became a mentor because I needed more direction in life."

A man reads a book called 'Opening Lines' while a woman reads a book called 'Brush Offs'.

"Our intelligence shows that everybody loves us."

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

"At least he's honest about it..."

Automatic Congressman

"Think about it. Maybe it's a good thing the boss doesn't know your name."

'All I know is that when life hands you a lemon, you're supposed to make lemonade...is there such a thing as curveballade?'

Half a house is better than none.

"Ooops - I'm afraid that was my beer...wait a second whilst I consult my swearword consultant."

"I thought you were out front telling the fence company how to do their job."

"Our rule of thumb is: 'Keep it complicated' - so no one will understand how we choose a candidate."

'Where you went wrong' Desk.

"Every single day, guys ask you for advice about women, work, sports... Haven't you ever even heard of the law of supply and demand?. . .I'd be glad to steer the downtrodden and the forlorn your way for a mere 82% of the man-to-man-talk fee."

Your problems are all in your head, Al. This time you're wrong, doctor. I happen to be lying on my keys. The problem is not in my head. It's in my left buttock.

'You've come a long way with your anger this year. In fact, I feel that you are ready to meet a special friend of mine...'