Annual Physical T-Shirts

"If it were painful, could I do this?"

"Breathe in and reimagine yourself in a world where you lived a healthy lifestyle."

'You're just like everybody else these days - disgustingly healthy!'

Brain Check

'It's not my fault that I've developed habits that cannot be sustained.'

"You're in excellent health...until we can prove otherwise."

'Well the good news is that we've landed some huge contracts in China!'

'Well, well, well...'

'I'm ninety-two! Tell me what I'm doing wrong... I dare you!"

"We've called this special Stocholders meeting because we want all of our stock back."

I'm trying to read your test results from urology, but their server can only stream them a little bit at a time.

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

"I hope you don't mind - I'm training a brand-new assistant and I've asked her to check your blood pressure."

'You've still got the right stuff, only now it's in the wrong places.'

"I haven't lost any weight after two weeks of dieting, but my hair's getting thinner."

Flu vaccine.

'Thanks to our exensive cost-cutting efforts, we managed to turn a profit.'

'I'll review your salary next spring.'

'Your blood pressure is extremely high - your resistance to things that cause it, extremely low!'

"The cape comes off too."

"So what brings you in today?"

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

'You're leaving if I'm going to inject him?...

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

People who work-from-home, annual get together.

Prostate Exam Second Opinion

'After the age of fifty the 'c' word always means colonoscopy.'

'Due to budget cutbacks we are combining our annual employee dinner with The Seven Basic Quality Control Tools Training.'

'His next appointment is on the 17th when the clock's little hand is on the two and the big one's on the nine.'

"You're flying a little bit right now, aren't you?"

". . . and in the immortal words of the man on our nameplate, 'In this world, nothing is certain but death.'"

"Sorry, but it is not negotiable! You have to let Tim clean your teeth twice a day!"

"Your EKG corresponds with the stock market report."

"Good for you for getting your mammogram."

"I have your lab test results. Cut back on your vitamins. You have the healthiest urine I have ever seen."