Animal Health Specialist Pillows

'I wonder how long he's been a vet?'

'The most precious thing a practitioner can accomplish, my boy, is to accumulate a devoted following of these damned hypochondriacs."

'...finally, to make a diagnosis on Pepper they did a necropsy...

"...and what really makes this story scary is the kittens got lost in the woods before flea and tick products were invented."

"I have your gender reveal results. Boy, girl, boy, boy, girl, girl, boy, girl, boy, boy..."

"Congratulations! It's a bitch!"

'Nothing impacts my lifestyle choices more than a veterinarian with a scale.'

"Yep. Looks like we have ringworm."

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

'I can tell you one thing, Madam. These ears have been neglected...

'You're leaving if I'm going to inject him?...

'I'm going to dispense a case of reducing diet for her....

Committee On Feline Healthcare

An inbred poodle.

"Hey, you two, get a barn!"

'Ta dum deedee dum -- DUM -- Bloop -- Fsst, tra la,,,'

"Yes, you were in a breech position, and it was the first time I was really pleased to see the vet..."

"Does he need to be healed or heeled?"

'If you had asked me I could have TOLD you that he bites.'

"Would you say the pain is more like a me-ow or a me-ouch?"

'You want to stick that thermometer where?'

"Good news—it's not colon cancer, it's tinsel."

'I don't think the Doctor will be able to see any more patients today!'

'I've never seen a healthier kitten. Cuter, most definitely, but never healthier.'

Ophiologist

'Bloomin rare breeds.'

'Worst case of Prickly-Heat I've ever seen!'

"He's so old I usually let him do what he wants."

"May I keep my collar on?"

Balding dog

'Adrian wants to be a vet when he grows up!'

'I had my vet put down. He was over 23!'

"In my practice, I prefer to treat the whole hog."

'Say, Doc, I'll need more of that steroid stuff for old King. He's still kind of peaked. Must need some heavy doses."

'He says not to panic because horses have lots of blood,...