Angels Pillows

'Whenever I complained that my feet were killing me, nobody believed me.'

"Actually, it's pronounced 'An-hel'."

'We're from Manhattan."

"Meet Elvis?? Sorry, but they were right. . . He's alive and well on Earth!"

"I died in Buffalo."

Damn defibrillators.

'You didn't think you could get away from us that easily, did you?'

'No, please, go on. It's so refreshing to talk to someone with an entirely different point of view.'

'Yes, we even have shoe shopping. We just refer to it as 'sole' searching.'

"Does anyone else's robe say 'Hyatt'?"

'Yeah, I knew you got wings when you went to heaven, but this isn't what I had in mind!'

'I would have been here sooner, if not for a wonderful, caring, competent doctor.'

"Spent the first five years in Hell. I didn't sell my soul, I leased it."

Supply was out of harps.

"Apparently, too much of a good thing is a bad thing."

"I guess this is as good as it gets."

"I'm your guardian angel, I can't mind my own business."

"It's just one bad review and we all know who wrote it."

"And of course it comes with an after lifetime guarantee."

"Is he the God of the Old or the New Testament this morning?"

The Land Of Milk And Honey: Day 1

'ETERNITY-with my varicose veins?'

Panic Stations in Heaven's Bakery - 'He needs 5000 loaves of bread and he needs them NOW!'

"I was in purgatory only briefly and they've been sending me email newsletters ever since."

'Beer, wouldn't be heaven without it.'

'Of course the Johnsons got the big cloud.'

'I can't believe I locked my keys inside, again!'

"Curiosity?"

"You were a veterinarian? Would you take a look at my left wing?"

"I guess what I miss most is being drunk."

"Spoiler alert!"

'Sorry, you can't take it with you...that includes your iphone.'

Life on cloud 8

'In doggy heaven, everyone is allowed on the couch.'

'I'm picking up way more channels than I ever did with just the halo.'