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'Even if you were always Mother's little angel, I still have to look it up.'

'I'ts good we don't have to make a living up here. I sold life insurance.'

St Peter at gates of Heaven tells thuggish looking man: 'You're in the wrong place, alright. Let me guess: sat nav?'

"You're kidding! You count S.A.T.s?"

Saint Peter will sometimes put on a disguise just to play a prank on the new arrivals.

Mr. and Mrs. Angel

"It's your final warning...Quit playing the 'Beverly Hillbillies' theme song"

'I didn't expect to have remote controls here.'

An amplified harp

"At the time I thought it was a goose."

'I would have been here sooner, if not for a wonderful, caring, competent doctor.'

'One nice thing about this, it has overcome my fear of height.'

"Say what you like about Hell, at least they have solid floors."

"So much for eternal rest."

'How nice! -- They're making a ten-part miniseries about the Bible!'

"I'll pass on reincarnation. I'm glad that I don't live in the age of Trump!"

"But you're paper trained and we don't have any newspapers or newspaper people."

"The only problem with Heaven is there's nowhere to hang stuff."

"But don't bother making up a schedule for all those projects. I've got all the time in the world now."

'Stay back from the edge. Remember what happened to the last angel that fell.'

Late Night TV

'I‘ll be relieved when they invent the aeroplane, these long trips are playing havoc with my wings'.

'Let's see...yes, there is a wing upgrade for a soul patch.'

"Care to try the dip? It's posthummus."

"Yup. This is heaven. Free beer and unlimited peanuts."

"Don't feed them! It makes them dependent."

"Wait, there you are. I was spelling it wrong."

"You received your rewards on earth."

"I guess they really are permanent."

"I couldn't take it with me, so I came back."

'Gee, I never expected to find this problem here too!'