Angelic Engineers Pillows

"Just between you and me, the universe would move in much less mysterious ways if the spark plugs and the oil were changed on a half-way regular basis."

"I do tech support for the cloud."

'I knew if we waited long enough, heaven would downsize.'

"Did you notice how the cables never get tangled!"

'Stocks plummeted on news of your demise.'

'One really nice thing up here is that it's always very easy to get an audience with a Pope.'

"I was a primary school teacher. What did you do?"

"Because of the economic situation they've relaxed the rules."

Angel playing music

'Telling me He works in mysterious ways!'

"The last thing I remember was asking my broker if all my money had been in risk-free bonds."

"Whoa! Now I remember. This was one of the possible side effects on the label."

'No, please, go on. It's so refreshing to talk to someone with an entirely different point of view.'

"This is Heaven, you idiot. Everything's perfect. There is no suggestion box."

Supply was out of harps.

'Whoa Hold up, You need to get you hand stamped,'

'Don't sweat it - We grade on the curve.'

'Please hold for an eternity...'

'Eternity isn't bad, so long as they allow us to day-trade.'

"It has yet to turn a profit."

"It's very nice. I just think they could add a spa."

"I can't hit a bad note to save my soul!"

"Free wifi and unlimited refills are nice, but frankly, I expected more."

Death of the pope.

"I hear they're desperate for new users."

"Tell the Boss that we have a MAJOR computer glitch!"

"If only they knew we can still get texts up here."

'Well of course I believed, but I never really thought it was true.'

'Just sayin' it was a lot more relaxing around here before they invented ‘the Cloud.''

'I realize this might be carping but I never did live long enough to enjoy my IRA account.'

I'd like to check my e-mail...

"No prizes for guessing who's been sucking up to the boss!"

'I would have taken it with me but the Inland Revenue got it all before I left.'

'I see my wife made it in.'

Heavenly politics. Campaigns here are different from those down on earth. Saint Peter has a complete file on everybody, so there's total transparency up here. Our debates are friendly and the ads are all positive. And here the incumbent in the highest office always runs unopposed. That's all true, but in one way the camaigns up here are just like the ones on earth. They go on for eternity.