Ancient Sports Aficionado Gifts

'Oh no. Looks like another split crew.'

"Portrait of a Lady"

Oscar would laugh whenever he recalled his empty existence before golf.

Bacchus.

Repurposing the aqueducts of Ancient Rome.

"Good game, good game, nice game, namaste, good game, nice game ..."

'Fancy a game of five-a-side, boys?'

"When are they going to change the 'feature'?"

'Let's throw ball. Running game not working.'

'When I'm not thinking about me, the Giants, the Knicks or the Yankees, I'm thinking about us.'

'He's got classic form, but if he doesn't improve his grades he won't get into college. He doesn't think.'

'You haven't heard the best thing. . .no referees.'

"And now, since our local teams really stink, here are scores for actual good teams around the country that you might want to root for."

The Harper Plays Cricket.

Joey Barton's red card wins Premiership League for Manchester City.

Cristiano Ronaldo

'He's missed six goals today. I bet he could kick himself.'

"I'm really gonna miss Rome."

'Jurassic Pork.'

Thibaut Nicolas Marc Courtois

"Depressed, anxious, worried about the future we've had a great deal of this recently...I'd suggest you avoid watching England for a while."

Football.

"I need to buy a faster fastball."

Fox hunting.

"Yes, it's a sports related injury. He dropped his bowling ball."

'Yo, Corona! Pack your stuff! You've been traded.'

"No flash in the ancient mummy gallery."

'It took some doing, but we got your name on!'

'Sounds like it'll flop.'

"It was your father's idea - He can't bear to miss a second of the game."

"Call yourself a fortune teller? I've never even heard of the Cairo museum!"

Classic Halftime Shows (Super Bowl III)

'I'm dreading the World Cup . . .'

Soccer player being showered with toilet roles and a toilet.

"Would you like something by an over promoted high-price athlete or a nobody from Jersey?"