Amateur Storyteller Pillows

"That was very interesting, Aubrey, but this is Show & Tell, not Kiss & Tell time."

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

A disgruntled employee chain-sawes hois boss's desk in two.Boss says:'Alright Smith, I'll stop referring to the employees as 'oopsy daisies'.'

'Get the net ready, Alice. I think it's a big one.'

"Finally, the alphabet is paying off."

'What sort of wines do you like?' ... 'Powerful ones!'

Grizzly bears are gregarious animals.

Eurydice is bitten by a snake

"You know who's tougher than all your little superheroes? The fossil fuel industry."

"I don't see a destination called 'Veganville' sir."

'Who I played in Summer Stock.'

"And that's when the therapist suggested… exposure therapy!"

See, Catty-O? I told you dinner was included with admission.

This is the new Director's Cut version of Hansel and Gretel...with additional scenes and three alternative endings!!!

"What your memoir really needs is an addiction."

'You were great at 'Daniel in the Lion's Den!' -- I'd sure like to hear you do 'The Three Little Pigs' sometime!'

'Fyodor Dostoevsky sends weeks describing Alexy Karamazov's quest for a white whale, and then discards the entire chapter."

"He just found that 'pillage' rhymes with 'village'."

"I see you're an ex televangelist who would like to stay in sales."

"#notguilty."

'Wait a minute! What if this isn't just a puddle?! What if it's a huge, furious hibernating snowman?'

'And the wicked stepmother looked into her smartphone and said, "Selfie, selfie in my face, who's the fairest in this place?"

Cinderella and Charming the Clown

"You're writing a memoir? You're seven years old. Do you honestly think you can capture the interest of readers with such a short—wait, is that my name?!"

Hansel and Gretal

After chasing the rabbit for many hours, Buster found himself very far from home indeed.

'For God's sake give me some angst, how will I ever write a misery memoir?'

'It was a dark and stormy night. Also, there was a Catch-22.'

Alberich steals the gold

"Personally, I loved your novel. Unfortunately, our e-book editor says it just doesn't work on the little screen!"

"Your records indicate a great deal of early promise however you've apparently become old and bald."

"I'll bet she was worn out by the end of teacher's meeting day."

Odysseus starts regretting his return to Ithaca.