Amateur Marathoner Gifts

'Actually, I'm not the first from this years marathon - I'm the last from last years...'

37 years in the same position.

'You and Rags working together make great dinosaur finders.'

'I've tried all night without potting a ball.' - 'Try taking away the wooden frame.'

Runner collapsing over the finishing line.

"You can either make a pledge or join us in this weekend's Barkathon."

'Unbelievable, these guys brought a ringer.'

"You're doing great, only thirty-one more years to go."

"I told him he should have trained more."

Cross-country runners picking up water and spare batteries.

'Good luck, everyone! Maybe this will be the year somebody finishes the race!'

401K

Reinventing the Wheel

"You're way too strong Dad: You've overshot the green by about two hundred metres..."

Boston Marathon: The First Responders.

'If God had wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them closer to my hands!'

'This 'Palestine' place you're giving to us - Will we have the mineral rights?'

'So what if you found it? Whatever it is, it belongs to ME! Now, get off my beach!'

"Why run a marathon when you can sleep through it?"

The inscription says: 'Whiter teeth; fresher breath.'

"My dog always knows when it's about to rain."

'I'll wait for Harold one more year. He hasn't crossed the finish line yet from the 1932 Olympic's marathon.'

'That Brown bears watching!'

'Costume - What costume?'

Becalmed yachts

Finish line extended 20 miles.

Cross-country knitting.

Get a life

Man having picture of caught fish sees that cat has eaten it.

"You like long walks in the rain? Great! My dog will love you!"

'I havn't finished last years Marathon yet...'

'Well, did you win or what?'

'For most people a little jogging after work would be enough, but my husband always has to go overboard!'

While Desmond was by far the world's fastest marathon runner, his Achilles heel was his wimpiness.