Amateur Journalist Prints

"Evidence suggests she was working on the puzzle, got up to make tea, husband enters and puts last piece in..."

"This is a neighbourhood vigilante area."

"Yup, pretty sure that was a flying squirrel."

"This is a hell of a way to start a magazine."

"Hurry up, I'm hungry."

'I have a bad feeling about this place, Watson... and I smell a rat!'

Optician and the PI.

"That's not the stick, it's a blood-stained satchel full of money... but hey, good boy!"

"Still life with fruit and terribly drawn fish"

'I'm going to ask you one more time; who left a hot mug on this table?'

'I've written a poem describing my feelings on discovering the body, Inspector...'

"I'm getting dangerously close to figuring out what I did last night."

Man having picture of caught fish sees that cat has eaten it.

Turtle crashes, deploys airbag.

Gracie tries to invent a shrinking spray and squirts Baldo with it.

'Hold on, the play is under review.'

"This is Sally Whitgart on TV -- We now switch you to Bart Fribledale on the Internet...."

"So which bit do you think was 'nature' and which 'nurture'?"

Fish uses its gill to block straw cat is using to remove water from a fish bowl.

'Nice try buddy, but we know the score. You were involved, but you only played a small part. What we want to know is who orchestrated this thing.'

'Okay, this is the scene where the bear becomes a parachute.'

'I'll put one end of the hose in your pool...you take the other end outside...gravity will create a siphon and drain the water with no mess.'

'He always takes Charades very seriously.'

Who reports on the reporters?

"Sorry about the disguise.But we've had to reduce our budget for the 'witness protection programme'."

'So we print it every four years. What do you call that?'

Old lady spying on the neighbours using a webcam.

Spring Cleaning

"Who gives a crap if it's not clear in 246 years?"

Father Christmas' skeleton discovered by Chimney Sweep