Amateur Gambler Gifts

"I don't buy a lottery ticket but I do play along just for fun."

"I won! I won! I finally won $10 at bingo! I hope success doesn't change me too much."

'According to this book, the casino has a slight edge in this game.'

Dog in casino.

The deadly sport of cobra staring contests.

"Incidentally, my men's group has retrograded into a poker game."

'He wrote a whole book on how to play a slot machine. I'm anxious for his next one: How to Set an Alarm Clock.'

'They say that poker is a sport. I hope they don't start testing for steroids.'

Slug roulette

'What do you mean - you 'LET him win'?'

'OK Mr and Mrs Johnson let's spin the wheel and find you a child!'

'It's a penny slot--give me a hundred.'

Casino. Keno. $$$. Win. Cashier. He sure wins a lot! He's "Keno Savvy."

'This could be me and you, your honor. Heading for Las Vegas!'

'I need to find a loose machine like that.'

Destination casinos...

"You're way too strong Dad: You've overshot the green by about two hundred metres..."

'My wife encourages this. She thinks I'm playing the Russian version.'

"Oh, I almost forgot: This time, if you have a good hand, don’t say, 'Meowee!'"

'At 10:00 you'll be deleting spam. At 10:15 you'll be forwarding jokes. At 10:35 you'll be playing online poker. At noon...'

Comparing lottery odds with bus punctuality.

Tonto Casino.

'Hey, that's a bad roll. Let's try that again.'

Wayne Krasnicky - unlucky gambler and unlucky in love.

'Our ceiling is under repair--sorry.'

Visit Las Vegas! The city that never sleeps' ot even takes a nap!: 'Because of competition, they had to raise the ante!'

'Today's Odds' sign above a copier showing various odds for machine's malfunctions

'Las Vegas: What happens here, is a lot less than what was happening here two years ago.'

-Psst! Back me in the 4:30! -Oh! -Surprised I can talk, huh? -No, surprised you think you can win!

Gambling on office building construction

'This is the third one today. Why can't the gynecologists have their convention someplace other than Vegas?'

"Oh boy! I've won the- "

"I think I need a professional money manager. I invest sixty five percent of my money gambling in casinos and thirty five percent I keep under the mattress."

Despite his perfect 'Poker Face'. the others always seemed to know when Toby had a good hand...

'The only thing better than being comped an '83 Amarone, is having a girlfriend who isn't a wine drinker.'