Allotment Tending T-Shirts

'Not here, Fred.'

"For the second night in a row, someone has mysteriously added soil to my vegetable patch - the plot thickens!"

Prize vegetables.

'Apart from Charlie here, I don't have any problems with slugs'

Allotment

'You wouldn't happen to be sitting on my entry to the straightest runner bean competition?'

This is NOT 'nipping out'.

"We've decided to diversify our funds on some candy!"

Homegrown solutions for a smaller carbon footprint.

"Let's say an immediate $10.00 allowance increase plus an annual 8% cost of living raise and I'll call him off."

So those are your 'weapons of mass destruction? - Slugs?

"Can you check inside it for me, Mister?"

"What are you growing?"

'I grow all our tomatoes. I grow all our spinach. All you do is complain about the cost of my twice weekly manicures.'

Sheds

"Must've planted those seeds upside down..."

'Is my allowance a form of income redistribution?'

'Yes, Bob, Allan's wife did let him buy tickets to the big game, but then Allan didn't spend all his allowance on nachos and beer, now, did he?'

'Please help - can't afford sweets - spent pocket money on mobile phone credit.'

Middle Distance Runners

"My son's a commonwealth - I give him money to be independent."

Hell's Allotment Holders.

Sign on shed reads 'Gone to seed.'

"My biggest problem is squatters."

'You can always recognise a true gardener - out there before the weather actually gets nice enough for venturing into the garden.'

Man halfway through growing a scarecrow

'I'm done with school because all I need to make a living is to know how to persuade my dad to give me money!'

"Those are my money managers."

Birds laughing at a scarecrow.

"I can't wait until I'm old enough to vote for a guaranteed minimum allowance."

"Still trying to grow mushy peas,Alf?"

'Even with free medical, dental, room and board, I'm still not making it on this allowance.'

Gardening Angel.

'I wish she wouldn't tend here roses so much: There are no aphids to eat...'

'Yeah, I use ATMs all the time, but I refer to them as 'Mom' and 'Dad'.'