Allotment Owner T-Shirts

'Apart from Charlie here, I don't have any problems with slugs'

Prize vegetables.

Allotment

'You wouldn't happen to be sitting on my entry to the straightest runner bean competition?'

An old man growing berries

'When he comes through that door, let's all jump up and give him a big kiss!'

This is NOT 'nipping out'.

The Big Book of Suspicious Crawl Spaces

'I thought I would rent it out for the extra dough.'

'Son, someday this will all be yours. Or Wal-Mart's. Whoever pays Daddy the most.'

Homegrown solutions for a smaller carbon footprint.

The Cat's Alarm Clock

'It's only four acres but we're glad we bought it - he's always wanted to be an expert in his own field.'

So those are your 'weapons of mass destruction? - Slugs?

'I'll say this for you young Thoreu - he certainly does make good use of his pond.'

"DID YOU SEND THIS?"

'Not here, Fred.'

"What are you growing?"

'I grow all our tomatoes. I grow all our spinach. All you do is complain about the cost of my twice weekly manicures.'

"Someday, son, all this will be yours..."

"Must've planted those seeds upside down..."

Sheds

"Why don't other people ever do this?"

William and Real Estate

'You can't charm me out of this chair.'

Man in woods sees sign, 'No Trespassing', next to 'Go Ahead - Make Our Day!'

He was forced to take early retirement.

Middle Distance Runners

'I don't mind playing dead...but what I'd really like to do is direct.'

Hell's Allotment Holders.

Sign on shed reads 'Gone to seed.'

'You can always recognise a true gardener - out there before the weather actually gets nice enough for venturing into the garden.'

Man halfway through growing a scarecrow

"Whoa now, hold on hold on! I just wanted to read that sign there. I couldn't see it from the road."

"I heard they bought thousands of acres around here."