Allotment Aficionado Pillows

'You're very lucky to get an allotment, of course. Mine here's been a godsend since the downturn.'

"I've left you.Your dinner's in your bloody allotment."

'I don't know what happened to the prize lettuces this year.'

'You wouldn't happen to be sitting on my entry to the straightest runner bean competition?'

'I grow all our tomatoes. I grow all our spinach. All you do is complain about the cost of my twice weekly manicures.'

"You could at least try and look a bit like Alan Titchmarsh."

Prize vegetables.

This is NOT 'nipping out'.

Allotment

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

"Biff's old money, Angelo is new money and Boris is funny money."

An old man growing berries

Keeping all the balls in the air - skills

Homegrown solutions for a smaller carbon footprint.

'Okay, that's 4 for the Malbec, 3 for the Chianti and 2 for the Merlot. You want to go with that, or wait for the write-in votes?'

"The Duke and Duchess of A.T. & T., the Count and Countess of Citicorp, the Earl of Exxon, and the Marchioness of Avco. The Duke of Warnaco..."

' Of course I didn't just marry you for your money dear.There was also your house in France,the Rolls Royce,your mother's diamonds...'

'He's really very busy but you can wait.'

Mark Zuckerberg

"Pavlov's Blog."

'Apart from Charlie here, I don't have any problems with slugs'

'Is my allowance a form of income redistribution?'

'It's tax avoidance crackdown avoidance.'

"Why don't other people ever do this?"

'I march to a different arithmetic.'

He was forced to take early retirement.

'We're with you half way, sir. We'll return our government bailout if we can keep our executive bonuses.'

If they sentence me, I'll simply pay to refurbish the penitentiary. It will be my own little six star hotel!

Hello, Mary Popmedia. Who do you think you are? A citizen journalist. Ha. You have no training, no experience. What gives you the right? The first amendment! Or is it the second amendment? I have the experience to look up the answer.

'To begin with, yoiu'll need assets.'

Yacht Club: Valet Parking $25,000.

'Some like-minded, rude, vindictive, scoundrel stole my identity!'

"My biggest problem is squatters."

OK Yah!

'Which one suits me - the John D. Rockefeller or the Andrew Carnegie?'