Allotment Aficionado Pillows

'You're very lucky to get an allotment, of course. Mine here's been a godsend since the downturn.'

"I've left you.Your dinner's in your bloody allotment."

'I don't know what happened to the prize lettuces this year.'

'You wouldn't happen to be sitting on my entry to the straightest runner bean competition?'

'I grow all our tomatoes. I grow all our spinach. All you do is complain about the cost of my twice weekly manicures.'

"You could at least try and look a bit like Alan Titchmarsh."

Prize vegetables.

This is NOT 'nipping out'.

Allotment

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

"Biff's old money, Angelo is new money and Boris is funny money."

An old man growing berries

Keeping all the balls in the air - skills

Homegrown solutions for a smaller carbon footprint.

"The Duke and Duchess of A.T. & T., the Count and Countess of Citicorp, the Earl of Exxon, and the Marchioness of Avco. The Duke of Warnaco..."

'Okay, that's 4 for the Malbec, 3 for the Chianti and 2 for the Merlot. You want to go with that, or wait for the write-in votes?'

' Of course I didn't just marry you for your money dear.There was also your house in France,the Rolls Royce,your mother's diamonds...'

"Pavlov's Blog."

'He's really very busy but you can wait.'

'Apart from Charlie here, I don't have any problems with slugs'

'It's tax avoidance crackdown avoidance.'

'Is my allowance a form of income redistribution?'

"Why don't other people ever do this?"

'I march to a different arithmetic.'

He was forced to take early retirement.

'We're with you half way, sir. We'll return our government bailout if we can keep our executive bonuses.'

'To begin with, yoiu'll need assets.'

Yacht Club: Valet Parking $25,000.

'Some like-minded, rude, vindictive, scoundrel stole my identity!'

'Which one suits me - the John D. Rockefeller or the Andrew Carnegie?'

'A penny? What the devil's THAT?'

Man halfway through growing a scarecrow

OK Yah!

"My biggest problem is squatters."

'List the constitutional amendments in any order? Hmmm ... 4th, 10th ... Ummmm ... 6th, 8th, 5th, ... '