Alexa Advocate Pillows

Now leaving designated Free Speech Zone. Shut it!

National Everything Awareness Day

'Twenty years ago I began jogging five miles a day - could you tell me where I am?'

Gun laws US

"What do you mean 'sitting is the new smoking'? I thought fat was the new smoking?"

Motivation to work

Squash Courts - "Insurance anyone"

'Here are some bonus checks. Distribute them unfairly.'

'I say, let's not be hasty in enforcing the mandatory retirement age.'

The first microscope capable of seeing the number of angels dancing on the head of a pin.

'How can I get mad at him for sleeping on the job? It was I who told him that taking naps was healthy.'

Autocensure

"This Save the Whales Number has got to go, pet."

"Who knew we'd be a desirable demographic?"

The Boy Who Wanted To Be A Lawyer - "Father Desmond, we need an exorcism."

Union organizer in a hostile workplace. . .

'Let's go raise some hell and tell people we support government sponsored health care!'

"Exercise is a great way of losing weight."

"Don't worry, boss, he ain't gonna be takin' his shoes off on an airplane no more."

'How can you bear to sit around doing nothing? You're right, I think I'll have a nap.'

I defend to the death your right to say things I agree with.

Atheist Convention: 'I don't believe it!'

"Deal! I'll introduce you to Dian Fossey and you'll introduce me to Jane Goodall!"

"The good news is, the children in the district have strong writing skills. The bad news is, we have sustained a letter-writing campaign from the third grade."

'This won't take long, Senator -- I'm a single-issue nut.'

"Don't attack surfers! You're giving us all a bad name and encouraging culling!"

Last Blue Tuna.

"I wasn't hibernating. I was resting my eyes."

He can't come to the phone now. He's busy recharging his computer, his cell phone, himself...

'She's responsible for the smoking ban.'

'We've been given three months notice backdated twelve weeks.'

'HR fired me because of an 'unstable job demand'. When I demanded a decent wage, they said I was unstable.'

"Employees bound to their employer by desperation and fear of unemployment. Now THAT'S my idea of a union!"