Alchemist Pillows

"Ulrich, that's bad science and you know it!"

"I know this is all nonsense , but that's the paradigm I'm stuck with."

"Of course you can't replicate my experiments. That's the beauty of them."

"Since I've been using this organic stuff my potions are far more effective."

'I'm trying to turn gold into gasoline.'

'You have a machine that transmutes iron to gold?'

Medieval Peer Review: "Whose experiments are the fairest of all?"

Bad science drives out good.

'Why Isaac Newton kept returning to alchemy...' 'There's just no money in gravity.'

"After all these years, I'm sure of only one thing: when I heat the liquid, it boils."

'Unfortunately this lab is funded only by as much gold as we can make from lead.'

Although successful, Richard couldn't help feeling that his experiment was pointless.

'My goodness, it IS Gold! I'm so glad you were there to record all the experimental steps and settings...'

'There are two types of alchemy - there's organic and there's inorganic.'

"Unfortunately this lab is funded only by as much gold as we can make from lead."

'No elixir of life yet by my super strength lager's a belter!'

"Caltonia says you plagiarized his incantation for changing tin into platinum."

"After all these years, I'm sure of only one thing: when I heat the liquid, it boils."

"We checked your results. You are absolutely correct."

"You'd be amazed how just a little soybean meal adds to the protein content of powdered bats wing and next tails."

"Of course you can't replicate my experiments. That's the beauty of them."

'But why do you want to transmute asparagus into cotton?'

"But until I do transmute lead into gold, maybe I could interest you in some lovely lead jewelry."

"First I'll change gold into lead, then I'll do it backwards."

"He has a little place in the basement where he's trying to transmute amethysts into antibiotics."

"But if he's right, it'll save us years of experimenting."

"The lab boys figured out how to change lead into gold. Now your job is to corner the lead market."

"...I finally deciphered my paycheck!"

'Have no fear - I'll have the project completed for you in no time.'

'You have received a grant from the king - his secret incantation to chant over your experiments.'

'Gold and silver from base metals is OK, but what I'm trying to transmute is angelica root, mugwort and tincture of marigold into an effective aphrodisiac.'

'I'm attempting to transmute calcium oxide, copper gluconate, manganese sulfate and benzaldenyde into condensed soup.'

'I'm trying to transmute lead into a combustible fuel that will produce no smoke.' 'Turning it into gold will be easier.'

Alchemist - name and ate unknown: 'At the Transylvania Conference, everyone was claiming to have the philosopher's stone. As chair of the select committee on turning lead into gold, I expect to have conclusive report within a decade or two.'

'It's an experiment to stop time.'