Airports T-Shirts

"OK, head on down then take the second lane on the right, hang a left then first right, up ahead is the runway. You can't miss it."

"I can get you to San Francisco through Dallas via Atlanta, but we'd have to take a kidney right here and now."

"As a courtesy for the inconvenience, please accept a voucher for three additional hours of your life, redeemable upon your death."

'At this time, we would like to call those passengers who feel compelled to board before their row numbers are announced.'

"If you don't get on that plane...there's also the 5:43, then the 9:27, but that's got a layover in Atlanta, then..."

"Those aren't departure times. Those are the times we estimate your flight being cancelled."

Airline service.

'It's $50 for the extra bag, $20 for a reassuring smile and $30 for a ‘have a nice flight.''

Suddenly it occurred to Christian that trying to mask the smell of the drugs with gravy wasn't such a good idea.

"The airline will review your claim in 90 days ... or you can take your pick of any bag off the next arrival."

TSA Lines

"I always get stuck in the wrong line."

On the monitors behind the check-in desk: Arrivals/Departures/Donations

"...we fancied a change this year."

'Now, that's just great: We're flightless again...'

'What makes you think our gate has changed?'

"I think that's where he's coming from, mate."

"At these prices, what do you expect?"

"Where aren't you going to?"

"Any chance of an upgrade to a flight that's on time?"

Just be cool... just be cool...

Grim reaper waiting for someone in the arrivals area of an airport

Cramped airport departure lounge.

'One carry-on!'

'He's determined to go where his bags go!'

Airport: Frequent Lost Luggage Desk.

This is progress - now we PAY the airlines $15 per bag to lose our luggage.

'Sir, your suitcase is quantitatively challenged.'

You know it's going to be a long day at the airport when you get behind a lineup of nuts all wanting to test the new TSA 'small knives allowed' policy...

"I think you're in the wrong line. You've always got something to say."

Angels await for their baggage around carousels.

"Hell: The Airport"

"First, though, we'll be boarding all our bald business travellers who've been asking a ton of interesting questions for the past forty-five minutes."

The World's Easiest Airport

Baggage Claim