Airports T-Shirts

"OK, head on down then take the second lane on the right, hang a left then first right, up ahead is the runway. You can't miss it."

"I can get you to San Francisco through Dallas via Atlanta, but we'd have to take a kidney right here and now."

'At this time, we would like to call those passengers who feel compelled to board before their row numbers are announced.'

"As a courtesy for the inconvenience, please accept a voucher for three additional hours of your life, redeemable upon your death."

'It's $50 for the extra bag, $20 for a reassuring smile and $30 for a ‘have a nice flight.''

"Those aren't departure times. Those are the times we estimate your flight being cancelled."

"If you don't get on that plane...there's also the 5:43, then the 9:27, but that's got a layover in Atlanta, then..."

Airline service.

"The airline will review your claim in 90 days ... or you can take your pick of any bag off the next arrival."

Suddenly it occurred to Christian that trying to mask the smell of the drugs with gravy wasn't such a good idea.

TSA Lines

"Where aren't you going to?"

"At these prices, what do you expect?"

"I think that's where he's coming from, mate."

'Now, that's just great: We're flightless again...'

"...we fancied a change this year."

On the monitors behind the check-in desk: Arrivals/Departures/Donations

'What makes you think our gate has changed?'

"I always get stuck in the wrong line."

'Finally!'

Airport: Frequent Lost Luggage Desk.

"Any chance of an upgrade to a flight that's on time?"

Cramped airport departure lounge.

Grim reaper waiting for someone in the arrivals area of an airport

Just be cool... just be cool...

'One carry-on!'

"I think you're in the wrong line. You've always got something to say."

'He's determined to go where his bags go!'

You know it's going to be a long day at the airport when you get behind a lineup of nuts all wanting to test the new TSA 'small knives allowed' policy...

'Sir, your suitcase is quantitatively challenged.'

This is progress - now we PAY the airlines $15 per bag to lose our luggage.

Airport. Arrivals. Departures. In this case, I think "ETA" stands for "estimated time of aggravation"!

Baggage Allowance

"Food! Food!"

Cow on the Luggage Carousel