Airline Miles Prints

Thank you for calling airline miles Visa, Mr. Taylor. How can I help you today. I'd like to book ma flight. No problem. I see you've accrued 40,000 points on your Visa - enough to travel anywhere in the U.S. on a Thursday. Thursday? Right. Any Thursday in May. The other days and months are blacked out. Of course, then I have a similar policy. Pardon? Ahem. I will only use my awards card on Thursdays in May. The rest of the days and months are blacked out! You understand you can't win. Somehow I'

"So the plan is to fly everyone for free. But we'll charge $400.00 per bag."

Airline Debts: Layoffs to help us stay afloat.

"No luggage to check - I just have this carry on."

"Do we have to go to the beach? I think the airline mixed up my luggage."

'Do you have any specific regulations concerning travelling with pets?'

"I'll get my 10,000 steps in tonight!"

Excess Baggage: Airline CEO's should be forced to work at the check-in counter explaining those hated add-on fees to passengers.

'My mentor and role model was a frequent flyer.'

Excess Baggage: Many hotels, inspired by the airlines are gouging their guests by adding 'resort fees' to the room rates.

"I don't know what's so funny. All I asked was whether this was their only flight today."

'There he goes over the bag limit again!'

"You're advised to check a small bag which you wouldn't mind losing as a sacrifice to the Gods of Lost Luggage."

'Now boarding all passengers in the middle class.'

'There's a fee for each carry-on bag, including your bag of chips.'

"This is as far as your air miles take you."

Ryanair refunds

'And how many frequent flyer miles do you have?'

Louis-Joseph Gay-Lussac: 'The Limoges conference...study the chemical composition of the atmosphere at high altitudes."

' ... and that's a policy giving you flight insurance covering mid-air bankruptcies.'

"But having less legroom puts you closer to your screen."

'Your honor, my client requests the maximum bail possible so that he can post it with his frequent-flier credit card.'

'As the plane is about to crash, we're offering passengers a complimentary drink.'

'I'm sorry, sir, but you can't use your frequent-flier miles because one of our blackout dates,,,'

Excess Baggage: At times the cheapest ticket deals leave a lot to be desired.

I'm sorry, sir, but your luggage was deemed offensive and destroyed.

Excess Baggage: The concept of electronic ticketing still has a few airline passengers spooked.

"I won't know if it's a vacation till I see if they accept my miles."

'Hey, Pam, what do you think? I get extra air miles for using my own transportation!'

"Bad news. Our luggage went to the same place my old job did."

"Frankly, your kindness and understanding are only making matters worse!"

Frequent Flier Tom Walstrom, on his way to Seattle, passes his luggage on it's way to L.A.

"Sure, you're in, but it's not really heavenly until you upgrade to premium Heaven."

"Use the platinum card—I need the miles."

'I'm sorry, we don't have chicken or fish. However, we do have a choice of surcharges. Would you prefer fuel, technology upgrade or new labor deal?'