Air Travel Conversationalist Pillows

'I always ask for a seat in the tail. You never hear of a plane backing into a mountain...'

"First, I sent a rocket of a drive down the fairway, then I took the 7-iron, put that ball on the green...a hundred and eighty yards if it was an inch..."

Remember my mum? I took that photo a week before she died. There's one of me...that was a good haircut.

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

"Arr, we found your luggage, Captain."

Vampire on a plane

Liquidity Lunch

"I finally have an ailment that isn't so bad that I'm worried, but bad enough for me to complain about constantly"

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

"I'll have to go now, Penny. My boyfriend keeps wittering on about something or other!"

'Oh...the IRS called. Something about an audit. I told them we weren't interested.'

A signaller directing pallbearers

"Flight time is approximately 3 seconds and - I won't lie to you folks - it's a bit choppy up there."

'How did it go?' 'We had an exchange of views...I went in with my views and came out with hers!'

Sometimes they need the oxygen mask after they see the new baggage fees.

"Please remove your shoes, realize you forgot to wear socks, accept your fate, and make peace with your god."

"Sick? No. Everything is fine. We're all just under the weather."

How about you? Traveling for work or pleasure?

"Well it's been nice doing business with you. Maybe we could meet for lunch some time?"

"Behold, as I guide our conversation to my narrow area of expertise."

'I hope I'm not embarrassing you when I say that I found your company's latest earnings report very sexy.'

'You've got to admire their candor.'

People at airport look at information board showing strike action and union membership cancelled.

“I think you’ve had enough.”

"Do you play?"

'Folks, the airline regrets the crash, but it will provide you a life jacket at one hundred dollars each.'

'Welcome to crash-test flight 000. Go ahead and take your seat!'

'Hello, is that the government? Yes, I was just wondering... is the lambada still forbidden?'

Revealing Airport Security

'God was my co-pilot, but I was distracted by the stewardesses.'

Do you cover broken noses...

'What's the best way to get to the nearest Post Office?' 'By Easyjet.'

"Oh yeah, I forgot to ask. 'did you want anything to drink?'"

'To him, on-line dating's chatting up women on the train home.'

Smokers smoking outside of a plane.