Air Travel Conversationalist Pillows

'I always ask for a seat in the tail. You never hear of a plane backing into a mountain...'

"First, I sent a rocket of a drive down the fairway, then I took the 7-iron, put that ball on the green...a hundred and eighty yards if it was an inch..."

Remember my mum? I took that photo a week before she died. There's one of me...that was a good haircut.

"Arr, we found your luggage, Captain."

Vampire on a plane

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

Liquidity Lunch

"I finally have an ailment that isn't so bad that I'm worried, but bad enough for me to complain about constantly"

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

"I'll have to go now, Penny. My boyfriend keeps wittering on about something or other!"

'Oh...the IRS called. Something about an audit. I told them we weren't interested.'

"Flight time is approximately 3 seconds and - I won't lie to you folks - it's a bit choppy up there."

A signaller directing pallbearers

'How did it go?' 'We had an exchange of views...I went in with my views and came out with hers!'

"Please remove your shoes, realize you forgot to wear socks, accept your fate, and make peace with your god."

"Sick? No. Everything is fine. We're all just under the weather."

"Well it's been nice doing business with you. Maybe we could meet for lunch some time?"

"Behold, as I guide our conversation to my narrow area of expertise."

'You've got to admire their candor.'

'I hope I'm not embarrassing you when I say that I found your company's latest earnings report very sexy.'

People at airport look at information board showing strike action and union membership cancelled.

“I think you’ve had enough.”

'Welcome to crash-test flight 000. Go ahead and take your seat!'

Revealing Airport Security

'Folks, the airline regrets the crash, but it will provide you a life jacket at one hundred dollars each.'

'God was my co-pilot, but I was distracted by the stewardesses.'

'Hello, is that the government? Yes, I was just wondering... is the lambada still forbidden?'

"Do you play?"

Do you cover broken noses...

'What's the best way to get to the nearest Post Office?' 'By Easyjet.'

'To him, on-line dating's chatting up women on the train home.'

"Oh yeah, I forgot to ask. 'did you want anything to drink?'"

Smokers smoking outside of a plane.

"Did we mention that we spent last summer in Maine?"