Air Travel Connoisseur Pillows

'Folks, the airline regrets the crash, but it will provide you a life jacket at one hundred dollars each.'

'What zip code are we in now?'

UK border controls relaxed.

A newborn parachutes to safety after the stork carrying him gets hit by a plane.

The inhabitants of the jungle get tied up in rush hour traffic.

Angels await for their baggage around carousels.

"If God had meant us to fly, he'd give us more leg room!"

"It was a holiday I'll never forget...I saw life in the raw!"

The World Wide Web.

"Early model of baggage claim"

'I'm on my way!'

Birds Following Witch.

"Passengers, as we begin our descent, you may now suddenly act open and friendly to the person beside you."

Why doesn't birdie go soaring on high like other birds?

Excess Baggage: Airlines are constantly working on new seating configurations.

"Now boarding group 50 and up."

Limerick Airport

Royal Bear Force - "Honey at 10 o'clock."

'Can I ask you what you've had to eat this morning, Sir? . . .Have you evacuated your bowels since then? . . . I'm afraid I'll have to charge you for the additional weight.'

'Hmmph. Here's an ad for affordable housing five minutes from downtown. By what means? Learjet?'

"Arr, we found your luggage, Captain."

'Are we there yet! Are we there yet! Are we there yet!'

She Persisted (But it was a Weekend)

"Two roads diverged in a wood and I... I... I..."

Airport Security. Remove Shoes. What do they call the guy in charge of all this airport security? "The TSAR"!

"The security scanner said I have exquisite feet."

'I am on a diet! It's called the Wall Street diet. I invested in British Airways, and the first day I lost 500 pounds.'

Man with backpack discharged on luggage pick up.

"How's my tripping you up?"

'Steady,...not yet,...hold your positions.'

Welcome to business class. Are you a member of big business or small business?

'He's trying to figure out why airplanes get bigger while seats get smaller.'

'I take it you've never used an air taxi before.'

"They become aggressive when you recline them."

Flight Crew Lockdown Check List