Air Travel Analyst Gifts

'There is a $15 baggage fee... a $15 airport improvement fee... a $15 full body scan fee... a $15 pat-down fee...'

"If God had meant us to fly, he'd give us more leg room!"

"It was a holiday I'll never forget...I saw life in the raw!"

'Can I ask you what you've had to eat this morning, Sir? . . .Have you evacuated your bowels since then? . . . I'm afraid I'll have to charge you for the additional weight.'

"They become aggressive when you recline them."

'Yes, I know. But my boarding pass clearly says 'B4'!'

'We don't keep cash on the premises.'

A hunter hitting his first bird.

'I'd like a first class ticket to wherever my luggage went.'

"So, when we stopped serving meals, I thought, why not see this as a marketing opportunity?"

"I never watch the safety demo. If we crash, they'll just save me."

'There's a fee for each carry-on bag, including your bag of chips.'

"When did movies start being dumb all year round?"

Man comes through luggage collection conveyor belt at the airport.

'The flight took off here...Then there's a big question mark over what happened next!'

Airline check-in with a bankruptcies update.

'The London drive-thru experience.'

Andrew Marr

Buddha Statue: Buy Low, Sell High, Stay Diversified.

Asian Adventure Vacations

Pinocchio goes on holiday.

"It's time to put up rail fares again. . . What are we thinking?"

"There's a red light at the end of the tunnel."

"So it's agreed then. There'll be no third runway, and you'll head the Fourth Runway steering group."

"Suddenly, trying to figure out who to blame for our crumbling infrastructure seems pointless..."

Realistic Timetable

Flying 'business class'.

"We are sorry for the delay in announcing the delay of flight 601"

'I guess it's an improvement over the previous 'do-nothing' policy.'

"As this is our first date, perhaps I should tell you that I participate in several frequent liar programmes."

"We'll now start boarding Group 9... Please remember your inferiority as you walk past the other groups, you cheap, dirty, cretins."

Traffic Everywhere

Galley Plane.

'I'm sorry, we don't have chicken or fish. However, we do have a choice of surcharges. Would you prefer fuel, technology upgrade or new labor deal?'