Agricultural Critic Mugs

'I'm not eating it, not if it's been genetically modified.'

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

'If I had known it was going to be such a late Spring, i would have never started my garden seeds, indoors.'

"Just bring me something that's going to look good on social media."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"This place is one of New York's best-kept secrets."

We're here at House of Java cafe at an all-too-familiar scene. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Tommy Jones, a local boy, has been caught stealing a scone. A minor offense? Not to the cafe's proprietor. He's demanding the boy be sentenced as an adult. But I'm eight! Wahhh! Add a year to the sentence for whining and crying.

"When I was your age. I was really smelly."

Cow's Last Will and Testament.

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

"You said the cauliflower is locally grown – would you elaborate?"

'Oh, and I suppose I'm the only one who's ever heard it's a 'dog eat dog world'?'

'Life is great' down on the farm.

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

One Man's Meat is Another Man's Poetry

Vehicles are having their own election. These are the candidates. The ambulance appeals to voters who think health care is most important. Voters focusing on education issues favor the school bus. And those wanting family-friendly policies are backing the minivan. The tractor is an expert on agricultural issues, and the import is a free trade advocate. Those voters concerned about environmental issues like the electric hybrid, and those wanting a strong military support the Jeep. What's t

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

6 Brothers Falafel

Self Service Restaurant: 'Where do you keep the eggs?'

Newton discovers gravity and apple sauce in the same day.

#Thanksgiving #Nofilter

"Looks like we grafted a few too many human genes into the kohlrabi."

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"Maybe if we added some pumpkin spice?"

"War is hell and so is this soup."

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

"Rump roast?"

"Something's wrong with the broccoli. Please take it back to the kitchen and have it genetically modified."

'Needs salt!'

'Wait until you taste the artisanal water. It's not to be believed.'

Pastry Hat

"Our fresh seasonal hand-crafted brews contain a full serving of spring vegetables."

"When portions are this huge, I eat half now and the rest in a few minutes."