Age-expert Mugs

Gerontologist on the phone - 'Oh, you know ... same old, same old ... and how are things with you?'

'I've been called some mean things as a baby boomer, but 'Pig in the Python' really hurts.'

Introducing... The Everything Else Morning-After Pill!

"More quarters! For God's sake, more quarters!!"

Breast Height Chart

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

You know you're getting up there in years when your birthday cake requires that extra box of candles....

'I know I don't look like a matinee idol of yesteryear anymore, but neither do they!'

"Meeting old relatives...is like peeking into our future."

'I couldn't remember your exact age.'

"In your 40s, hair starts growing everywhere except where it should."

Sir Isaac Newton Sucks!

"I enjoy being old - my health always gives me something to talk about!"

"Seventy-seven. How about yours."

"I must be getting old. I've forgotten why I came down the stairs."

'I don't eat organic foods. At my age I can use all the preservatives I can get.'

'They say ninety is the new eighty.'

Warning: Contents may settle over time.

"Now they're saying 80 is the new 70. So, when's the new dead?"

"Would you want to drink from a fountain of youth?" "I'd settle for a fountain of middle age."

'Admit it, George-you're too old to chase after does.'

'Ageism at work'

"It's male pattern osteoporosis."

'I had a larger sample for you but I had trouble getting the lid back on. . .'

"Here's the problem, I grabbed the wrong map. This isn't the Fountain of Youth. This is the Fountain of Middle Age."

I'm not sure when I can help you. It's not easy getting parts for you anymore

"Botox? No, I simply stopped smiling when I turned 30."

Retirement Age

'You can try, but once they're past forty, you can't teach them new tricks.'