Age-conscious-friends T-Shirts

"The only way she can still be in her twenties is if her birthday is 29th February!"

Albert & Myra - The End Story

"Why bother?"

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

"I can remember when a dollar was worth $47.32."

Heavy meals on wheels

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

"You really need to think about getting glasses."

"Honestly, John, I'm not angry! I was going to suggest you give up driving even before you hit my car in the parking lot!"

Mr. Evers specifically asked for a plain coffee, not an espresso.

The Woodstock Medical-Emergency Tent - 1994

Rejuvenile Delinquents.

Remote Control Duck

'I'm fighting ageing.'

"Well, Mr. Goddam Fancy-Pants Small-Town-Expose hot shot! What makes you think we don't all have lusty, kiss-and-tell memoirs boiling away inside us?"

"Two, please—one senior and one tootsie."

"I get it! I get it! Elephants never forget. Now quit bragging about it!"

"Just when I thought I had all the answers, I forgot what the questions were."

"I cranked up the dose a tad. Why should kids have all the fun?"

Medication for the elderly

"I'd like to get my withdrawal in either cryptocurrency or social-media exposure."

"We missed Fashion Week!"

'I can't make you younger...odometer tampering is against the law.'

"Well, Dr. Garcia said he's doing all he can, but he can't make me any younger. But I don't care about getting younger. I just want to keep getting older."

Checking for signs of life.

"I always know what Harry's going to say, and he always knows what I'm going to say, so, by and large, we just don't bother."

'If I knew it would mean all these hospital appointments, I'd never have got old!'

'When the poor dear retired, he found that he missed his little cubicle.'

"I enjoy being old - my health always gives me something to talk about!"

"We're trying to give geriatrics a sexier image..."