After Work Gathering Pillows

"Hey! What's with the 'home run trot'? You struck out!"

Happy Hour

"Don't get me started on crows."

"You're invited to our management excursion. Come dresses as a pinata."

"It's almost 5 o'clock! Where the hell is my vodka app?!"

"I think I'm having pre-traumatic stress disorder."

Illustration from an Unpublished Novel

The prying mantis,

Every time you make a blend, somewhere, a wine maker dies.

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

The devil you know and his plus one

"Pssst! I had some CGI done."

Miniature Cattle Fanciers

'Sure, I'm a working mother - is there any other kind?'

'The Ambassador will not be pleased, Madame.'

I've been looking forward to this the whole year: It can get lonely out there...

"Phil's an expert networker. One drink and he's on schmooze-control."

Convention for People Who Like to Attend Conventions.

Glyndebourne

'I don't think we're devoted to the Lord. I think we're devoted to dessert.'

Playing cards.

"So that's what it means to unwind before dinner."

Professional woman in pub

"That sister of yours sure has some nerve asking for those leftovers - we earned them."

When I said, "Let the good times roll," I didn't mean to let go of the keg.

"You're doing fine - don't watch your feet."

'Of course, I'm proud of you but I don't think he would be a healthy after school snack.'

Post-pandemic Hugging Refresher Class

"Once you get over the three hundred and sixty eight texts it took to plan this, it really is nice to get together."

"Could I have a Tommy Tippee cup for my friend's beer, as he's been using a concrete breaker all day."

"My boss said I have narcolepsy. She could have waited to tell me after I woke up."

"I rushed here from surgery. I didn't have time to get into costume."

Happy Hour 5-7. (Not really an hour, not really happy.) At last, truth in advertising.

"God help us, it's that guy."

'I'm sorry, he likes to let off wind after dinner.'