Advice Column Follower Pillows

"Ask Sadie advice hour! What's your problem?!" "Being a high school student is literally killing me! I sit all day at school, and sit all evening doing my homework." "Stop yer sniveling!!! Every student since the beginning of time has had to deal with this problem." "Yes, you're sitting all day. But like any other teenager, you should be burning thousands of calories anyway." "The eye-rolling alone should burn up to 473 calories per hour. Pick up the pace, slacker!!!"

Squeezing the Free Press.

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

The writer: something who devotes a lifetime of solitude to the same of communication.

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

'Maybe fruit flies don't have souls.'

"Listen to me, Nathan. Chicks love bad boys."

"Anybody who doesn't like our one-party system can go to Russia!"

"No, I want to know the meaning of never calling your mother."

'I suppose that's where things get ironed out.'

'You've been killing files again.'

Quadruple dark hot chocolate. Whoa, everything all right? Sure, yeah, great. I'm a journalist and writer in an era in which the printed word has been totally devalued by free distribution of information on the internet. Can I pay in prose? Point taken.

"Your father would be able to afford to send you to a good college if only he had listened to me when he was your age!"

"Trump's America"

The Adventures of Tom Friedman, Boy Reporter

'If you can tell the difference between good advice and bad advice, you don't need advice.'

Bernard Levin

"Only time can heal a broken heart, Brenda, and fortunately I have the time, every Thursday at three o'clock."

The Original Gossip Columns

Ask Sadie. Dear Sadie, I am 62 years old and was fired from my job of 22 years just before xmas 2010. What should I do? Sincerely, Irene. Attack! Stop! Enough, Sadie. Haven't you been listening? The mean-spirited, virulent partisanship of talk show hosts must end. People were hurt and some died. Aren't you the ultimate partisan, you coot? That's different lady! Fasten your seatbelts.

Four years ago during a special episode of the Ask Sadie™ Show, our resident octogenarian asked listeners for advice about how she can deal with her midlife crisis. Dear Sadie, I was going to suggest you start a YouTube channel to share your advice with younger people. But YouTube just stabbed its content creators in the back. They stopped showing ads on videos discussing anything even remotely controversial. That's going to put so many important voices out of business. So I don't really have an

Will Self deprecation

It's the Ask Sadie Advice Hour. For the next two hours, I'll be taking your calls. I'll tell you how to fix your hopeless relationship or cope with all the people at work who really are better than you. Then I'll berate you for not manning up and dealing with it on your own instead of bugging me about it! Los Angeles, CA, you're on. What's your problem? Click.

Cops' Right to Beat You in Private Shall Not Be Infringed

'Instead of nagging you, Walter, I've decided to write a syndicated column!'

The Daily Fury

"We can work up to antidepressants, but for now I want to start you on eating a whole jar of cocktail olives over the kitchen sink."

Projecting Obama

'I've fallen in love and i've fallen in porage and believe me: porage is better.'

"Wait a minute. Where am I going? I'm a writer."

'Ed' 'Op-ed'

'This week's column is going to be about Writer's Block, and it's...'

Journalist in charge of gardening column has dead plant.

George Will