Adventurous Gourmet Gifts

Anthony Bourdain with Chopsticks

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

'We can order Lebanese, Thai, Italian, Indian, Greek or Chinese...'

"Oh, look- French! Let's try it."

'Now that's what I call a kebab... a skewer with whole pies!'

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

"Dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, onion bagel with Nutella and cream cheese, dirt, dirt, dirt..."

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

"I cook the sausages in French mineral water, I wear a French beret and I can call you 'Monsieur'."

Grand Escargot at a Parisian Eatery.

Holiday Supplies

'Any wilderness skills besides making smores?'

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

I wish I'd had the review.

"You've ordered comfort food. May I recommend a comfort wine?"

'We call it the 'Tomato Surprise' because the chef tinkered with the DNA a little.'

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

"It's a Haiku Dinner."

'I'm sorry, sir, but it's hats off for the Chef's Special!'

"I don’t know, Margaret. She looks like the type who makes exotic stuffings."

"We'd like the roasted homework for two. And fetch us a bottle of your finest toilet water."

"I think foie gras is French for endless buffet."

"It's been redacted to produce our sauces."

"They won't even try their palate cleansers!"

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

"The Halloween Special is the pork and kraut. It'll come back and haunt you."

Platter confusion.

I told you I got us the best table in the house. Pizza.

"For the first half hour, I was, like, really there. Enchanted. But I found the wild-quail confit so disappointing that not even the fig reduction on the poached pear could get me back."

Leftovers restaurant - for that unpretentious dining.

'May I suggest a pleasant viognier to put the subtext into gear?'

Haute Chinese

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

"Who ordered the moose en croute?"