Adjusting To Married Life T-Shirts

"You wouldn't like it if I woke up and wrote things down in the middle of the night."

"I'm sorry, dear, but you knew I was a bureaucrat when you married me."

"No, no - it was great. It's just that sometime I'd like to try it missionary style."

"I didn't complain, when you crashed the computer."

"I feel like pushing the envelope this morning, honey, starting with a little grape jelly for that bran muffin."

'I'm glad you're able to be with us more, but I'd appreciate it if you'd say you're 'spending time' with us, not 'doing time' with us.'

'We never go anywhere together except here.'

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

'Seriously!? ... Well it's apparent I didn't marry a handyman.'

"Darling, you never let me see the side of you that pays."

"Well, we're down to bare brick, natural wood, and raw nerves."

'And thanks be to the lord that we're going out to eat on Friday...'

"I knew we agreed that you could be a stay-at-home dad, but that's when we decide to have children."

"He doesn't fiscally stimulate me anymore."

'I told my wife she had to choose between me and that precious boat of her's. She called my bluff. Can I sleep on your couch?'

"Yes dear, I know lots of people have a second honeymoon. But we only got back from our first one last week."

'I'm tired of roaming the earth. Can we just stay home tonight?'

Another Filibuster from the Secretary of the Interior of My Car

"That doesn't look like setting the table to me."

'There's an app you can program to delete your trash? I've had one for years called Dave.'

"The best thing about our relationship is that we keep growing together."

"Oh, how I wish the season would start!"

'Don't be so sensitive,I only dozed of for a moment.'

"We're only staying together for the sake of our marriage guidance counsellor."

"It's only fair. He has a man cave."

'Will I still be married?'

'I thought you said you wanted to spoon me!'

"George is fluent in two languages. English and total nonsense."

"Me? I thought you were raising them."

"Hello darling! - I'm back from the black hole!!"

"Look, I still fit into the fitted sheet I wore when we met."

"It's all about compromise. He's not dishwasher safe and I'm not microwave safe, but we make it work."

"It's your husband, Mrs. Thompson. He's come unraveled again."

"I'll be on the porch, pushing ninety."

"You call that worrying?"