Ad Agency Staff Prints

"We've checked, and it's fine with women."

'How fast can you hype?'

'He's written some great slogans and some great labels, but he's never written a great coupon.'

You can fool some of the people all of the time - "Send in some of the people, Dorothy."

'Now go out there and sell yourself!'

"The problem is that our ads have either been too Jewish or not Jewish enough."

News for Sale

"Boss, the customers can hear you cackling maniacally." "I've topped myself, minion." "It's not enough to run ads that tout our own excellence: we have to simultaneously tear down the competition." "Behold: my masterpiece." "'100 percent of those who drink Coffee King’s coffee will die.'" "Best part is it’s technically true."

'You're in luck - we do have a temporary position in advertising'.

CATCHY NAME

Rudy Park Enterprises regrets to announce the end to a brief experiment aimed at combining the popular and irrepressible talk show phenomenon Sadie Cohen with a background beat of powerful and thrilling house music. In fact, our ratings soared during our experiment. Revenue shot up 17.5 percent. Advertisers loved it. Our decision to cancel the experiment in no way reflects any error of management. Rather, it was a raging success reflective of our forward thinking management. In the end, though,

The Acme Agency: "Dedicated to Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Media Exposure."

Mouse real estate!

'It's a deal, for $15 an hour, I'll stand in front of your office.'

Temp Employment Agency. Ah, I see that you have a short attention span.

"Which will it be - do we label it '20% free', and raise the price 20%, or label lit '40% free', and raise the price 40%?"

'Slugger' Sims...Leader in: Home Runs, RBIs, Endorsement Deals.

"'Killer Whale' is terrible branding. From now on, people will call you 'Happy Silly Fun Fish.'"

Advertising Agency - "...Fooling some of the people all of the time is damn hard work."

Corporate Advertising Agency: WEEKLY SCAM MEETING

Overly wordy travel.

"Do you get the impression poster companies don't like us?"

"He's coming across as Reaganish but not Reaganesque."

The Copywriter's Dilemma

"Starting at a new agency can be overwhelming. Let me show you around."

"Delivery in thirty minutes or your pizza is free(zing)."

"This is like the time you had me sell water as a 'diet drink'."

When hiking trail crosses campaign trail...VOTE!

'I've never read such stupid twaddle in all my life, I like it'

'I'd like you to come up with a catchy jingle that'll give people a headache everytime it's played.'

Online articles are fine, but I miss being annoyed by the fragrance sample cards in print magazines.

"Towards a sustainable future"

"It reminds me of the very first ad that ever swayed me into buying something I didn't really want."

"Alternatively we could make them all sexy."

"Guys, this circular is in today's paper...except the people over there messed it up! Our coolant is $7.99, not $1, battery chargers are $39.99, not $9.99...and hydraulic jacks are $29.99 not $2."