Accident Detective Pillows

'It appears he caught his tie. Let's mark this one down as a victim of fashion.'

"I'm going to need a little more for the root cause than, who'da thunk."

'Gentlemen, I'd like to introduce you to our new 'health and safety' officer.'

The successful rubbernecker...

"Arrghh! - I came around the corner and tripped over that sign!"

"If you look at Lexington Avenue, it is anyone's guess what's happening on the 6 train. Moving on to Broadway, I can tell you that the N and R Lines may or may not be running smoothly, while the Eighth Avenue A and C are, as always, a complete mystery."

Alien crash test dummy emerges from downed UFO.

"Unfortunately, what we thought to be the black box turned out to be the navy blue box"

'That is one nasty whiplash!'

'If all the red warning lights come on, it means meltdown, so get out of the car fast!'

'I need the welder to fix the guard on that pump.'

'Well,here's the answer to why your car has been running so rough in the mornings Mr.Tait...It's pregnant!'

La Tour 2007.

Researchers find proof that the legendary lead foot exists.

"This is nothing. You should have been with us last year at Fifty-third and Lex."

'D.N.A. tests show that the fuel pump doesn't belong to this car.'

Cluster Catastrophe

Gene doping in sport.

'It says take all this medication - if you can afford it.'

Live To Crash, Crash To Live.

'I can't understand it. I was driving one way on a one way street.'

'I know when I'm being worked in during a commercial.'

'Please note this perfume should not be used by pregnant women, women who may be pregnant or those taking an Monoaimine Oxidase Inhibitor.'

'I'm inclined to agree with you, Sir. Worst case of shoplifting I've seen.'

'It's flooded.'

'Bob, call you back. A big auto body job just drove in.'

"You can eat that muck if you like, I'm going to eat the Sergent Major!"

Rudy, it's come to my attention you've spilled 348 gallons of coffee and tea. What? I did not! I'm talking over the course of the last 16 years. Don't bother denying it, every time you've spilled a drop, Gunther measured it. Gunther? Who's Gunther? That's what I named him. He came here on a low-skilled work visa. He's been working under the floorboards ever since it expired. Very bad man.

"You're an accident attorney, so there's no point in explaining this in ethical terms."

Attempted First Degree Edgar

"Goodness! This health care plan is $750 a month! This one is $1200 a month! And this one is $1500 a month!"

'Caution! This vehicle makes frequent unexpected stops.'

'What's the point of insurance if you don't use it?'

'Oh come on, a little touch up paint and a soft cloth, I can buff that out.'

Lawyer to client about crash test dummy: 'We did a driving record search, and needless to say, we struck gold.'