Academic Visionary T-Shirts

'Our goal is to stress di-versity while remaining a uni-versity.'

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

'Why can't we have a texting bee?'

"Someday you'll see my work in the employee break room at the Met."

I need to set upmy own company.

'This is a good time to be young, son. Look at all the opportunities you have in front of you...you can help sole the problems of the environment, poverty,civil rights....'

"I've always wanted an empire of Distance Learning Campuses."

"Gracie, what does a little girl like you wish for? I mean, besides being a doctor, a motivational speaker, a great parent and becoming president?"

Early Attempt at Quantitative Easing.

"You realize this means we won't be getting any government bailout money...?"

The United States' economy deflating.

DACA

"Before we made the leap to cyberspace, our stockholders made us promise we'd maintain a traditional street presence, too!"

"It looks like we've reached the end of reality..."

"One day she'll be a wonderful architect."

'Where do you see yourself in five years?'

'The future of medicine' "It's genomics." "I'd say proteins." "Same as always: economics."

Wishful Thinking Magazine - circulation chart.

"The counselor wasn't much help about getting into college. All he said was to study hard and get good grades."

Start up

"I'm ahead of my time."

"This grade doesn't fit into my five-year plan!"

As an artist, Ug was thousands of years ahead of his time.

"Gee, I just wish I had the words to describe this scene to you fellows back on earth...!"

'I thought I'd put in the details later.'

'You will write a book, but it won't be on Oprah's recommended list.'

'This is wonderful. It will help millions of people.'

"Debit card, no problem. Any cash back?"

Nursery Careers Service. Careers teacher tells toddler: 'Astronaut training would give you something to fall back on, if the jungle explorer job fell through.'

Academia Can Kill By Degrees

"This'll look great on my transcript!"

Artist and the artist's model both thinking of the money.

Doctor sits near work boxes labelled; 'NHS' and 'Private'.

"I want an eponymous retail empire when I grow up, Greg. What do you want?"

"My dad's been on my case...he says I should be preparing for my future career. But what kind of training can I get here for a job that's tough, will make tons of money and highlight my incredible bod?"