Academic Standards Advocate Pillows

'When I was your age, an 'A' did not stand for 'adequate'.'

"No Timmy, I don't think your pencil has system requirments or upgrades you can download from the internet."

'Let's go to our education reporter for more underreporting of school success stories.'

'The school computers are six months old. How can I be expected to be competitive in the job market if I'm trained on obsolete equipment?'

I'm over-educated and under-employed. That's why there's no MIDDLE class anymore.

'We'd like to form a support group for homework anxiety.'

Common Core Family Therapy

"Remember, education pays, unless you end up an adjunct - like me."

"An educational toy is my immediate goal, but my long range plan is to get him on Jeapordy!"

Your Message on Your T-Shirt: 'Do As You Are Told!'

Staff Yearbook

Chicken soup for the adjunct professors soul

“Today we are going to be learning percentages.”

"Because when you're drafted by the pros, you'll have to be able to sign your contract. That's why you have to attend first grade."

'The school computers are six months old. How can I be expected to be competitive in the job market if I'm trained on obsolete equipment?'

'I got and 'E' in spelling.' - 'That is an 'F'.'

'Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, Snoopy - do you have a stamp commemorating an educational leader?'

What must every 5 paragraph essay contain? 5 paragraphs! For the last 18 years, some wise guy says that as if no one's heard it before. Congratulations. Who was this year's Mr. Predictable? You're wrong, Mr. K. A girl said it. Wow! Another triumph for women's equality in my classroom.

Another shot heard round the world.

The Church of DanaeDanaeism: 'And let such sacrilege go uncontested? Never! I demand equal time for alternate explanations of things.'

'If school is so important, why isn't it on television?'

"No, Einstein's theory of relativity isn't, 'don't marry your cousin.'"

'So feared her prince may turn back into a frog so she went to college and earned a degree in finance, just in case.'

Gold versus Knowledge

"Well yes, I was shorn by the apprentice, but I don't mind really: everybody has to learn somehow..."

'It may not be a great report card but it beat the street expectations.'

"SUPERintendent! What kind of powers do you have?"

"I'm not going to shoot the messenger, but I'm also not going to renew his grant."

'Man! I wish I'd finished college.'

Good writing is good thinking

"I'd say hi to my favorite teacher, but I think she's enjoying some quiet remote-from-us learning."

'Education is very important. Let's go buy three liters of books so we can learn!'

'Kids, you can all do it! Latest scientific research shows that you're smarter than previously believed.'

'There's more than one kind of deficit.'

Uranium, heavy water? Where on the web did you say you got the plans for this birdhouse?