Academic Influencer Gifts

A Brain Drain

"Tariffs love me...tariffs love me not..."

"There's no such thing as 'bad publicity'." "All traffic is good traffic."

"Just bring me something that's going to look good on social media."

"I don't post selfies because I don't want people to feel better or worse about their looks."

"I got 30 likes but Mom's was not one of them."

"Can you change this quiz grade from an A to a C? I like to keep expectations low until I blow my parents' mind by acing the final exam."

"I have a recurring nightmare that I've taken a test, and the professor won't give me an 'A'."

Changing Minds

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, Kevin. You need to know them so you can Blog.'

"We've won control of the congress. Our next objective is to win control of the media."

"Where have you been? This content's not going to create itself."

"What do you want to be when you blow up?"

'The ten commandments have all been reduced to tweets.'

'And the wicked stepmother looked into her smartphone and said, "Selfie, selfie in my face, who's the fairest in this place?"

"Well, the alternative would be to use your social media accounts to promote toothlessness."

"I'm spending more time promoting myself than I am being myself."

"Perhaps more people would give heed unto the word of the Lord if the Lord had a funny blog."

"I already have the perfect hashtag!"

"Eye of Newt, wing of bat, let's instagram it!"

"This is off our first TikTok."

"This deserves an Instagram photo. Would you mind taking a picture of someone washing the dishes when I'm done?"

"That's right, it's @kingphilbert3rd... Yeah, with a P-H... That's him, yep, now tap "follow"..."

"He has the tweeting skills of a man twice his age."

'Your tweets have quite a following.'

Bill hits the ground running, makes a big splash early on, and rides a roller-coaster of insane popularity right into the "Where Are They Now?" Wilderness of Forgotten Celebrities.

"Remember when we were Instagram models?"

'We're an international company, Mr. Zickenbarth. We've got creditors in more than 200 different countries!'

"Joe's cereal. NPR co-approved."

"May I recommend our Seared Filet with Lobster Cream Sauce? It's very photogenic."