Academic Influencer Gifts

A Brain Drain

"Tariffs love me...tariffs love me not..."

"There's no such thing as 'bad publicity'." "All traffic is good traffic."

"Just bring me something that's going to look good on social media."

'For those with books, open and follow along. For those with laptops, follow me on Twitter.'

"I don't post selfies because I don't want people to feel better or worse about their looks."

"I got 30 likes but Mom's was not one of them."

"Can you change this quiz grade from an A to a C? I like to keep expectations low until I blow my parents' mind by acing the final exam."

"I have a recurring nightmare that I've taken a test, and the professor won't give me an 'A'."

Changing Minds

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, Kevin. You need to know them so you can Blog.'

"We've won control of the congress. Our next objective is to win control of the media."

"Where have you been? This content's not going to create itself."

"We're not really fighting, mom. We just need a little drama for our YouTube channel. Subscribers equal money."

From Hunter-Gatherer to Influencer: The Evolution of the Dignity of Labor

'The ten commandments have all been reduced to tweets.'

"What do you want to be when you blow up?"

'And the wicked stepmother looked into her smartphone and said, "Selfie, selfie in my face, who's the fairest in this place?"

'And, for the student with the most hits on his or her Facebook page, the award goes to Lisa Skemley!'

"Well, the alternative would be to use your social media accounts to promote toothlessness."

"I'm spending more time promoting myself than I am being myself."

"Perhaps more people would give heed unto the word of the Lord if the Lord had a funny blog."

Bill hits the ground running, makes a big splash early on, and rides a roller-coaster of insane popularity right into the "Where Are They Now?" Wilderness of Forgotten Celebrities.

Witches of Instagram

"May I recommend our Seared Filet with Lobster Cream Sauce? It's very photogenic."

"This is off our first TikTok."

"Joe's cereal. NPR co-approved."

"Influence this."

"Baldo, why do you make fun of my playing?"

"Eye of Newt, wing of bat, let's instagram it!"

"Remember when we were Instagram models?"

'Your tweets have quite a following.'

"This deserves an Instagram photo. Would you mind taking a picture of someone washing the dishes when I'm done?"

'We're an international company, Mr. Zickenbarth. We've got creditors in more than 200 different countries!'

"I already have the perfect hashtag!"