Academic All-stars T-Shirts

Football team discussions.

'I really crammed last night.'

Nervous Oral Testing

"I was planning to grow old with Matthew Nelson, but it looks like I'll be growing old with my algebra teacher."

"I've outgrown my backpack."

K9 Literati

'She flunked me, but I plea-bargained my way up to a C-plus!'

National Academy of Sport

'This will be tough. The parents can handle Bs and Cs, but I really gotta spin this D in math.'

The Giamatti era

Bigger Brain

'Gifted class, indeed. One is gifted in science, but he can't read - one is gifted in reading, but won't even try math...'

"If we only use 10% of our brains, how am I supposed to get passing grades?"

Baseball players and their qualifications.

"Gracie, I'm so proud that you made the academic decathlon team! Here...have some of my special green tea! Ithelps you concentrate and improves your memory!"

Teacher boxing book: 'As I told you, today we're gonna really hit the books!'

'This is going really well. I did a great job organizing this lecture.'

"Don't pull any wisdom teeth. I need all the help I can get in school."

"We started learning about units of measurement in math class, but I don't really understand it, so I've got an acre of homework to do."

"Oh, my, I can tell—everybody in there has read Barbara Tuchman."

'I've been doing well in school lately, so I think I'm entitled to some dumbing down.'

'There is NO way I can perform under that kind of pressure!'

'You can never be too fit or too tenured.'

Waiting for the results.

"She's always been a quick learner."

"If you were truly blessed by genius, it wouldn't end there, believe you me!"

Graduate of 2021

"I got an A+ on my math test! I'm updating my resume."

"I was desperate, dear. I had to find a way to teach and do all my required publishing."

'At least you won't have to worry about the rising costs of a college education.'

Academia Can Kill By Degrees

'The good news is that you don't have any long-term memory loss. The bad news is it's all MIDTERM memory loss.'

"I saw the wariness in your eyes when you learned that I was plucked from academia to run this company, so I thought I'd allay your concerns by writing this sonnet."

We get it, Simone. You went to obedience grad school. Be cognizant of the canis familiaris.

"One thing I'll say for us, Meyer--we never stooped to popularizing science."