Academic Accolade Appreciator Pillows

'Let's see what we can get for these gold stars!'

Scientists are sexy

'Gifted class, indeed. One is gifted in science, but he can't read - one is gifted in reading, but won't even try math...'

"Oh my goodness. My lecture on John Donne has just been awarded Most Pizzazzy Metaphysical Lecture of the Year."

'There is NO way I can perform under that kind of pressure!'

Graduate of 2021

"If you were truly blessed by genius, it wouldn't end there, believe you me!"

"I got an A+ on my math test! I'm updating my resume."

Scale indicates the value of books.

'That's because they won't let you die until you pay your student loans.'

Let me guess...you peed on your homework again!

"I'm very proud of the grade A's, son, but what about these grade B smalls?"

'After the wizard gave me the brain,of course, I felt like I should use it.'

"His is a thought experiment."

"I've been invited to address a conference of professors of twentieth-century American literature who are sleeping with their students."

"Everything's higher this year."

Oxford tour guides

Intellectual support animal

'So much for a simple and elegant solution.'

Franz Oppenheimer

Various sporting officials think to themselves: '4 years at West Point for this'...'5 years at MIT for this'...'6 years at Julliard for this.'

"Congratulations on your Pulitzer. Now, let's revisit the university's contract offer."

"It's one of life's great rules...do something great once and you'll hear about it forever. Do something great all the time and you're just another overachieving brainiac."

"Guess who got into Hotchkiss!"

"I had that nightmare where I’m in class, a final paper is due, and I forgot to eat it."

History Doesn't Repeat Itself

"I'm already seeing an anthropologist."

'I keep getting leadership mixed up with incitement.'

Center for the Study of the Economic R Word.

'I know they're both World reknowned scientists, but your application with references from both your mum and your grandma is highly amusing...'